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ETIQUETTE; 


OR,    A   GUIDE    TO 


THE  USAGES  OF  SOCIETY. 

WITH 

A  GLANCE  AT  BAD  HABITS. 


MANNERS   MAKE   THE   MAN." 


BY  COUNT  ALFRED  D'ORSAY. 

TO    WHICH    IS   ADDED 
THE    TRUE    THEORY   OF 

THE    RHENISH  OR  SPANISH  WALTZ, 

AND    OF 

THE  GERMAN  WALTZ  A.  DEUX  TEMPS. 

ANALYZED  AND  EXPLAINED  FOR  THE  FIRST  TIME. 


Waltzing  is  the  art  of  a  gentleman,  and  never  yet  was    taught  or  understood  by 
dancing-master. 


NEW    YORK: 

PUBLISHED   BY   WILSON   &  COMPANY, 
162   NASSAU    STREET. 

STEREOTYPED   BY   REDFIELD   AND   SAVAGE. 


MDCCCXLIII. 


PREFACE. 

This  is  not  written  for  those  who  do,  but  for  those  who  do 
not,  know  what  is  proper,  comprising  a  large  portion  of  highly 
respectable  and  estimable  people,  who  have  not  had  an  oppor- 
tunity of  becoming  acquainted  with  the  usages  of  the  (so 
termed)  "best  society;"  therefore,  do  not  let  the  "select" 
sneer,  and  say,  "  Oh,  everybody  knows  that;  there  is  nothing 
new  here."  Even  they  may  be  mistaken,  and  many  may  profit 
who  will  not  choose  to  own  how  much  they  are  indebted  to  this 
little  book. 

It  would  be  absurd  to  suppose,  that  those  persons  who  con- 
stitute the  upper  ranks  of  the  middle  classes  in  London  are 
ignorant  of  the  regulations  here  laid  down  :  but  in  the  country 
(especially  in  the  mercantile  districts),  where  the  tone  of  society 
is  altogether  lower,  it  is  far  otherwise,  although  country  people 
may  not  feel  inclined  to  acknowledge  what  is,  nevertheless, 
strictly  true. 

If  the  publication  of  this  work  saves  the  blush  but  upon  one 
cheek,  or  smooths  the  path  into  "  society"  of  only  one  honest 
family,  the  object  of  the  author  will  be  attained. 

London,  August  20,  1843. 


ETIQUETTE, 

AND 

THE    USAGES    OF    SOCIETY, 


GENERAL  OBSERVATIONS. 

Etiquette  is  the  barrier  which  society  draws  around  itself 
as  a  protection  against  offences  the  "law"  can  not  touch — it  is 
a  shield  against  the  intrusion  of  the  impertinent,  the  improper, 
and  the  vulgar — a  guard  against  those  obtuse  persons  who, 
having  neither  talent  nor  delicacy,  would  be  continually  thrust- 
ing themselves  into  the  society  of  men  to  whom  their  presence 
might  (from  the  difference  of  feeling  and  habit)  be  offensive, 
and  even  insupportable. 

Many  unthinking  persons  consider  the  observance  of  Etiquette 
to  be  nonsensical  and  unfriendly,  as  consisting  of  unmeaning 
forms,  practised  only  by  the  silly  and  the  idle;  an  opinion  which 
arises  from  their  not  having  reflected  on  the  reasons  that  have 
led  to  the  establishment  of  certain  rules  indispensable  to  the 
well-being  of  society,  and  without  which,  indeed,  it  would 
inevitably  fall  to  pieces,  and  be  destroyed. 

Much  misconstruction  and  unpleasant  feeling  arise,  especially 
in  country  towns,  from  not  knowing  what  is  "expected  "  or 
necessary  to  be  done  on  certain  occasions,  resulting  sometimes 
frorr  the  prevalence  of  local  customs,  with  which  the  world  in 
general  are  not  supposed  to  be  acquainted. 

Besides,  in  a  mercantile  country  like  our  own,  people  are 
continually  rising  in  the  world.  Shopkeepers  become  mer- 
chants, and  mechanics  manufacturers ;  with  the  possession  of 
wealth,  they  acquire  a  taste  for  the  luxuries  of  life,  expensive 


4  ETIQUETTE,  AND  THE  USAGES  OF  SOCIETY. 

furniture,  gorgeous  plate,  and  also  numberless  superfluities, 
with  the  use  of  which  they  are  only  imperfectly  acquainted. 
But,  although  their  capacities  for  enjoyment  increase,  it  rarely 
happens  that  the  polish  of  their  manners  keeps  pace  with  the 
rapidity  of  their  advancement:  hence  such  persons  are  often 
painfully  reminded  that  wealth  alone  is  insufficient  to  protect 
diem  from  the  mortifications  which  a  limited  acquaintance  with 
society  entails  upon  the  ambitious.  Pride  often  deters  people 
from  seeking  the  advice  of  the  experienced,  when  the  opportu- 
nity of  receiving  it  is  presented.  It  is  to  be  hoped  that  the 
following  remarks  will  furnish  a  guide  through  the  intricacies 
of  conventional  usage,  without  risk  to  the  sensitive,  or  the  hu- 
miliation of  publicly  proclaiming  the  deficiencies  of  an  imper- 
fect education. 

In  all  casest  the  observances  of  the  Metropolis  (as  the  seat 
of  refinement)  should  be  received  as  the  standard  of  good 
breeding. 


INTRODUCTIONS. 


CHAPTER  I. 


INTRODUCTIONS. 


Never  "introduce"  people  to  each  other,  without  a  previous 
understanding  that  it  will  be  agreeable  to  both. 

There  are  many  reasons  why  people  ought  never  to  be  intro- 
duced to  the  acquaintance  of  each  other,  without  the  consent 
of  each  party  previously  obtained.  A  man  may  suit  the  taste, 
and  be  agreeable  enough  to  one,  without  being  equally  so  to  the 
rest  of  his  friends  —  nay,  as  it  often  happens,  he  may  be  decidedly 
unpleasing ;  a  stupid  person  may  be  delighted  with  the  society 
of  a  man  of  learning  or  talent,  to  whom  in  return  such  an 
acquaintance  may  prove  an  annoyance  and  a  clog,  as  one  inca- 
pable of  offering  an  interchange  of  thought,  or  an  idea  worth 
listening  to. 

But  if  you  should  find  an  agreeable  person  in  private  society , 
who  seems  desirous  of  making  your  acquaintance,  there  can  not 
be  any  objection  to  your  meeting  his  advances  half  way,  although 
the  ceremony  of  an  "introduction"  may  not  have  taken  place, 
his  presence  in  your  friend's  house  being  a  sufficient  guaranty 
for  his  respectability,  as,  of  course,  if  he  were  an  improper  per- 
son he  would  not  be  there. 

Should  you,  while  walking  with  your  friend,  meet  an  ac- 
quaintance, never  introduce  them. 

If  you  meet  a  male  acquaintance  giving  his  arm  to  a  lady> 
take  off  your  hat  to  him,  instead  of  nodding — as  this  last 
familiar  mode  of  recognition  looks  disrespectful  toward  her. 

In  making  "  introductions,"  take  care  to  present  the  person 
of  the  lower  rank  to  him  of  the  higher :  that  is,  the  commoner 
should  be  presented  to  the  peer,  not  the  peer  to  the  commoner; 


6  ETIQUETTE,   AND  THE  USAGES  OF  SOCIETY. 

Dr.  A.  to  Lord  B.,  not  Lord  B.  to  Dr.  A.  Observe  the  same 
rule  with  ladies — the  lady  (as  a  female)  claiming  the  highest 
rank,  it  is  to  tier  the  gentleman  must  be  presented,  not  the  lady 
to  the  gentleman. 

Be  cautious  how  you  take  an  intimate  friend  uninvited  even 
to  the  house  of  those  with  whom  you  may  be  equally  intimate, 
as  there  is  always  a  feeling  of  jealousy  that  another  should  share 
your  thoughts  and  feelings  to  the  same  extent  as  themselves, 
although  good  breeding  will  induce  them  to  behave  civilly  to 
your  friend  on  your  account. 

Friendship  springs  up  from  sources  so  subtle  and  undefinable, 
that  it  can  not  be  forced  into  particular  channels;  and  whenever 
the  attempt  has  been  made,  it  has  usually  been  unsuccessful. 

Never  make  acquaintances  in  coffee-houses  or  other  public 
places.  As  no  person  who  respects  himself  does  so,  you  may 
reasonably  suspect  any  advances  made  to  you. 

An  adherence  to  etiquette  is  a  mark  of  respect;  if  a  man  be 
worth  knowing,  he  is  surely  worth  the  trouble  to  approach  prop- 
erly. It  will  likewise  relieve  you  from  the  awkwardness  of 
being  acquainted  with  people  of  whom  you  might  at  times  be 
ashamed,  or  be  obliged  under  many  circumstances  to  '*€&& 

The  act  of  "cutting"  can  only  be  justified  by  some  strong 
instance  of  bad  conduct  in  the  person  to  be  cut ;  a  cold  bow, 
which  discourages  familiarity  without  offering  insult,  is  the  best 
mode  to  adopt  toward  those  with  whom  an  acquaintance  is  not 
deemed  desirable.  An  increased  observance  of  ceremony  is, 
however,  the  most  delicate  way  of  withdrawing  from  an  acquaint- 
ance ;  and  the  person  so  treated  must  be  obtuse,  indeed,  who 
does  not  take  the  hint. 

A  neglect  of,  or  adherence  to,  the  forms  of  society,  in  others 
toward  yourself,  is  oftentimes  the  only  way  in  which  you  are 
enabled  to  judge  if  your  acquaintance  be  really  considered 
desirable.  You  will  meet  with  professions  of  civility  and  friend- 
ship in  the  world  as  mere  matters  of  course ;  and  were  you  to 
act  upon  what  people  say,  instead  of  what  they  do,  you  would 


INTRODUCTIONS. 


7 


run  a  risk  of  being  mortified,  which  no  person  of  proper  pride 
would  choose  to  encounter,  especially  if  the  other  party  be,  or 
assume  to  be,  of  higher  rank  than  yourself.  We  never  knew  a 
person,  really  desirous  of  forming  a  friendship  with  another, 
neglect,  either  by  word  or  deed,  the  means  of  accomplishing 
such  an  object. 

It  is,  however,  understood  in  society,  that  a  person  who  has 
been  properly  introduced  to  you  has  some  claim  on  your  good 
offices  in  future ;  you  can  not,  therefore,  slight  him  without 
good  reason,  and  the  chance  of  being  called  to  an  account  for  it. 


8  ETIQUETTE,  AND  THE  USAGES  OF  SOCIETY. 


CHAPTER  II. 


LETTERS   OF  INTRODUCTION. 


Letters  of  Introduction  are  to  be  considered  as  certificates 
of  respectability — as  proofs  that  you  are  known  by  the  intro- 
ducer to  be  a  proper  person  to  be  admitted  into  the  friendly 
circle  of  him  to  whom  you  are  recommended,  without  the  risk, 
in  these  days  of  elegant  exterior,  of  his  harboring  a  swindler, 
or  losing  his  silver  spoons. 

Many  people  consider  that  when  they  have  given  a  dinner 
to  the  stranger  they  have  done  enough,  and  are  not  required  to 
take  any  further  notice  of  him,  so  that,  with  modern  English 
coldness,  "Letters  of  Introduction"  have  been  facetiously 
termed  "  Tickets  for  Soup,"  and  many  sensitive  people  have, 
by  these  degrading  considerations,  been  prevented  from  present- 
ing them.  It  is  true,  that  among  people  "comme  il  faut"  the 
new-comer  is  generally  welcomed  with  a  dinner — not  for  the 
sake  of  the  entertainment,  but  as  a  means  of  presenting  him  to 
a  fresh  society,  and  of  giving  him  the  opportunity  of  legiti- 
mately making  the  acquaintance  of  his  host's  friends  invited 
expressly  to  meet  him  ;  but,  as  the  only  criterion  of  the  estima- 
tion in  which  he  is  held  must  be  the  kind  of  people  asked  to 
meet  him,  be  careful  not  to  wound  his  feelings  by  inviting  those 
whom  he  may  be  likely  to  consider  his  inferiors  either  in  merit 
or  position. 

If  you  have  letters  of  introduction  from  one  friend  to 
another,  do  not  take  them,  but  send  them,  with  your  card  of  ad- 
dress. If  he  be  a  gentleman,  he.  will  return  your  visit  as  soon 
as  possible ;  at  any  rate  il  will  give  him  an  option,  which  by 
taking  your  letters  in  person  you  do  not  do,  but  rather  force 


LETTERS  OF  INTRODUCTION.  V 

yourself  upon  him  whether  he  will  or  not.  If  your  letters  be 
on  business  only,  no  ceremony  is  necessary — take  them  at 
once.  In  all  such  matters  never  trust  to  a  second  that  which 
may  be  so  much  better  done  by  yourself. 

There  can  not  be  a  more  awkward  situation  for  both  parties 
than  for  one  person  to  be  waiting  while  the  other  is  reading  a 
letter  with  the  endeavor  to  discover  who  the  stranger  may  be, 
or  a  position  in  which  the  bearer  looks  so  foolish,  or  feels  so 
uncomfortable.  Then  comes  the  bow,  a  cold  shake  of  the 
hand,  with  the  few  civil  words  of  course — and  all  because  you 
come  upon  a  stranger  who  is  unprepared :  therefore,  give  him 
time  to  read  the  letter  you  bring,  and  to  consider  how  he  may 
best  show  his  regard  for  your  introducer  by  his  attentions  to 
yourself. 

Observe,  that  "  Letters  of  Introduction"  are  never  sealed  by 
well-bred  people  :  the  seal  of  the  writer  is  attached  to  the  en- 
velop—  requiring  only  a  little  wax  to  close  it — at  the  option 
of  the  person  to  whom  it  is  confided. 

If  a  gentleman  be  the  bearer  of  an  "introduction"  to  you, 
leave  a  card  with  him  without  fail,  if  it  be  only  as  an  acknowl- 
edgment of  having  received  your  friend's  letter ;  there  is  no 
rudeness  so  great  as  to  leave  it  unnoticed  —  it  is  a  slight  to  the 
stranger  as  well  as  to  the  introducer,  which  no  subsequent  atten- 
tions will  cancel :  you  are  not  obliged  to  invite  him,  as  that  is 
a  matter  of  choice. 

In  France,  and  indeed  generally  on  the  continent,  it  is  the 
established  usage  that  strangers  on  arriving  pay  the  first  visit  to 
residents.  In  England,  with  much  better  taste,  the  contrary  is 
the  rule.  A  stranger  should  never  be  made  to  feel  that  he  is 
demanding  attentions — but  if  possessed  of  true  delicacy  he 
would  prefer  waiting  until  they  are  offered.  In  spite  of  our  own 
folly  in  occasionally  copying  them,  the  French  (with  a  much 
greater  affectation  of  jfolitencss)  are  infinitely  inferior  to  English 
gentlemen  in  true  good  breeding. 

Remember,  also,  that  a  letter  should  never  remain  unan- 


10  ETIQUETTE,  AND  THE  USAGES  OF  SOCIETY. 

swered  a  moment  longer  than  is  absolutely  unavoidable.  Should 
you  not  have  time  to  answer  it  fully,  a  simple  acknowledgment 
is  better  than  no  notice  of  it  at  all. 

An  adherence  to  these  rules  will  prevent  your  exposure  to 
any  coldness  or  slight  you  might  otherwise  incur. 

Do  not  imagine  these  little  ceremonies  to  be  insignificant 
and  beneath  your  attention  ;  they  are  the  customs  of  society; 
and  if  you  do  not  conform  to  them,  you  will  gain  the  unen- 
viable distinction  of  being  pointed  out  as  an  ignorant,  ill-bred 
person.  Not  that  you  may  care  the  more  for  strangers  by 
showing  them  civility,  but  you  should  scrupulously  avoid  the 
imputation  of  being  deficient  in  good  breeding ;  and  if  you  do 
not  choose  to  be  polite  for  their  sakes,  you  ought  to  be  so  for 
your  own. 


MARRIAGE. 


CHAPTER  III. 


MARRIAGE. 


When  a  man  marries,  it  is  understood  that  all  former  ac- 
quaintanceship ends,  unless  he  intimate  a  desire  to  renew  it,  by 
sending  you  his  own  and  his  wife's  card,  if  near,  or  by  letter,  if 
distant.  If  this  be  neglected,  be  sure  no  further  intercourse  is 
desired. 

In  the  first  place — A  bachelor  is  seldom  very  particular  in 
the  choice  of  his  companions.  So  long  as  he  is  amused,  he 
will  associate  freely  enough  with  those  whose  morals  and  habits 
would  point  them  out  as  highly  dangerous  persons  to  introduce 
into  the  sanctity  of  domestic  life. 

Secondly — A  married  man  has  the  tastes  of  another  to  con- 
sult;  and  the  friend  of  the  husband  may  not  be  equally  accept- 
able to  the  wife. 

Besides  —  Newly-married  people  may  wish  to  limit  the  circle 
of  their  friends,  from  praiseworthy  motives  of  economy.  When 
a  man  first  "sets  uj>"  in  the  world,  the  burden  of  an  extensive 
and  indiscriminate  acquaintance  may  be  felt  in  various  ways. 
Many  have  had  cause  to  regret  the  weakness  of  mind  which 
allowed  them  to  plunge  into  a  vortex  of  gayety  and  expense 
they  could  ill  afford,  from  which  they  have  found  it  difficult  to 
extricate  themselves,  and  the  effects  of  which  have  proved  *» 
serious  evil  to  them  in  after-life. 


12  ETIQUETTE,    AND    THE    USAGES   OF    SOCIETY. 


CHAPTER  IV. 

DINNERS. 

Of  the  etiquette  of  a  dinner  party,  it  is  extremely  difficult  to 
say  anything,  because  fashions  are  continually  changing,  even 
at  the  best  tables;  and  what  is  considered  the  height  of  good 
taste  one  year,  is  declared  vulgar  the  next ;  besides  which,  cer- 
tain houses  and  sets  have  certain  customs,  peculiar  to  their  own 
clique,  and  all  who  do  not  conform  exactly  to  their  methods  are 
looked  upon  as  vulgar  persons,  ignorant  of  good-breeding. 
This  is  a  mistake  commonly  fallen  into  by  the  little  "  great"* 
in  the  country,  where  the  circle  constituting  "  society"  is  neces- 
sarily so  small,  that  its  members  can  not  fail  to  acquire  the  same 
habits,  feelings,  and  observances.  However,  a  few  hints  may 
not  be  thrown  away,  always  recollecting  that  people  can  only 
become  ridiculous  by  attempting  to  be  too  fine.  I  am,  of 
course,  supposing  my  readers  to  be  acquainted  with  the  decen- 
cies of  life. 

When  the  members  of  the  party  have  all  assembled  in  the 
drawing-room,  the  master  or  mistress  of  the  house  will  point 

*  To  avoid  misconstruction,  it  will  be  as  well  to  define  what  is  meant  by  the 
term  "  little  great,"  beginning  by  showing  what  is  not.  It  is  not  that  numerous 
class  (however  respectable),  professional  and  mercantile,  found  in  and  about 
every  country  town  ;  those  merely  great  little,  who,  without  any  other  qualifica- 
tion than  the  possession  of  a  few  thousand  pounds,  constitute  themselves  the  aris- 
tocracy of  the  place :  but  a  very  different  body  —  namely,  the  old,  solid, "  county 
people,"  the  descendants  of  patrician  families,  the  Squirearchy,  with  incomes  of 
from  seven  to  ten  thousands  a  year,  and  the  customary  representatives  in  parlia- 
ment (until  lately)  of  their  town  or  county  —  persons  who  are  of  great  local 
influence  and  importance,  on  account  of  their  descent  and  wealth,  but  who,  not- 
withstanding, become  insignificant  and  merely  units  in  the  mass,  amidst  the 
brilliant  statesmen,  the  talent,  the  splendor  of  rank  and  fashion,  which  adorn  and 
elevate  the  metropolis. 


DINNERS.  13 

out  which  lady  you  are  to  take  into  the  dining-room,  according 
to  some  real  or  fancied  standard  of  precedence,  rank  (if  there  be 
rank),  age,  or  general  importance ;  that  is,  the  married  before 
the  single,  &c. ;  or  they  will  show  their  tact,  by  making  com- 
panions, those  who  are  most  likely  to  be  agreeable  to  each 
other.  Give  the  lady  the  wall  coming  down  stairs,  take  her 
into  the  room,  and  seat  yourself  by  her  side. 

If  you  pass  to  dine  merely  from  one  room  to  another,  offer 
your  left  arm  to  the  lady. 

*  Remember  that  it  is  the  lady  who  at  all  times  takes  prece- 
dence, not  the  gentleman.  A  person  led  a  princess  out  of  the 
room  before  her  husband  (who  was  doing  the  same  to  a  lady  of 
lower  rank) ;  in  his  over-politeness,  he  said,  "  Pardonnez  que 
nous  vous  precedons,"  quite  forgetting  that  it  was  the  princess 
and  not  he  who  led  the  way. 

Well-bred  people  arrive  as  nearly  at  the  appointed  dinner 
hour  as  they  can.  It  is  a  very  vulgar  assumption  of  importance 
purposely  to  arrive  half  an  hour  behind  time ;  besides  the  folly 
of  allowing  eight  or  ten  hungry  people  such  a  tempting  oppor- 
tunity of  discussing  your  foibles. 

The  lady  of  the  house  will  of  course  take  the  head  of  the 
table,  and  the  gentleman  of  the  highest  rank  will  sit  at  her  right 
hand ;  the  gentleman  next  in  rank  will  be  placed  on  the  left  of 
the  hostess,  so  that  she  may  be  supported  by  the  two  persons 
of  the  most  consideration  (who  will  assist  her  to  carve). 

In  many  houses  of  distinction,  the  master  and  mistress  sit 
vis-a-vis  to  each  other  at  the  middle  of  the  table. 

In  nearly  all  the  houses  of  the  nobility,  at  present,  the  op- 
eration of  carving  is  performed  at  the  side  table,  where  the 
piece  de  resistance,  by  which  is '  meant  the  roast  joint,  is 
placed. 

It  is  the  custom  at  present  for  the  lady  of  the  house  to  follow 
her  guests  into  the  dining-room,  except  when  a  prince  of  the 

*  Of  those  passages  marked  with  an  asterisk,  the  ground-work  has  been  taken 
from  the  MS.  note-book  of  a  lady  of  rank. 


14  ETIQUETTE,    AND    THE    USAGES    OF    SOCIETY. 

royal  family  is  present,  who  leads  out  the  lady  of  the  house 
first. 

The  gentleman  of  the  house  takes  the  bottom  of  the  table, 
and  on  each  side  of  him  must  be  placed  the  two  ladies  highest 
in  rank.  You  will  find  a  party  of  ten  convenient,  as  it  admits 
of  an  equal  distribution  of  the  sexes  :  neither  two  men  nor 
two  women  like  to  sit  together. 

It  is  a  matter  of  regret  that  table  napkins  are  not  considered 
indispensable  in  England ;  for,  with  all  our  boasted  refinement, 
they  are  far  from  being  general.  The  comfort  of  napkins  at 
dinner  is  too  obvious  to  require  comment,  while  the  expense 
can  hardly  be  urged  as  an  objection.  If  there  be  not  any  nap- 
kins, a  man  has  no  alternative  but  to  use  the  table-cloth,  unless 
(as  many  do)  he  prefer  his  pocket  handkerchief — a  usage  suf- 
ficiently disagreeable. 

It  is  considered  vulgar  to  take  fish  or  soup  twice.  The  rea- 
son for  not  being  helped  twice  to  fish  or  soup  at  a  large  dinner 
party  is  —  because  by  doing  so  you  keep  three  parts  of  the 
company  staring  at  you  while  waiting  for  the  second  course, 
which  is  spoiling,  much  to  the  annoyance  of  the  mistress  of  the 
house.  The  selfish  greediness,  therefore,  of  so  doing  consti- 
tutes its  vulgarity.  At  a  family  dinner  it  is  of  less  importance, 
and  is  consequently  often  done. 

Do  not  ask  any  lady  to  take  wine,  until  you  see  that  she  has 
finished  her  fish  or  soup.  This  exceedingly  absurd  and  trou- 
blesome custom  is  very  properly  giving  way  at  the  best  tables 
to  the  more  reasonable  one  of  the  gentleman  helping  the  lady 
to  wine  next  to  whom  he  may  be  seated,  or  a  servant  will  hand 
it  round.  But  if  either  a  lady  or  a  gentleman  be  invited  to 
take  wine  at  table,  they  must  never  refuse  ;  it  is  very  gauche  so 
to  do.  They  need  not  drink  half  a  glass  with  each  person,  but 
merely  taste  of  it. 

Asking  ladies  to  take  wine  is  now  quite  exploded.  It  is 
merely  offered  by  the  gentlemen  who  sit  next  to  them ;  but  if 
you  are  in  a  country  house  where  the  custom  is  retained,  it 


DINNERS.  15 

would  be  better  breeding  to  follow  the  fashion  of  the  place, 
rather  than,  by  an  omission  of  what  your  entertainer  considers 
civility,  to  prove  him,  in  the  face  of  his  guests,  to  be  either  ig- 
norant or  vulgar. 

It  is  considered  well  bred  to  take  the  same  wine  as  that  se- 
lected by  the  person  with  whom  you  drink,  the  choice  being 
left  to  the  person  highest  in  rank,  or  most  advanced  in  age. 
When,  however,  the  wine  chosen  by  him  is  unpalatable  to  you, 
it  is  allowable  to  take  that  which  you  prefer,  prefacing  it  with, 
11  Will  you  permit  me  to  drink  claret,  sherry,"  &c. 

At  every  respectable  table  you  will  find  silver  forks ;  being 
broader,  they  are  in  all  respects  more  convenient  than  steel  for 
fish  or  vegetables.  Steel  forks,  except  for  carving,  are  now 
never  placed  on  the  table. 

At  family  dinners,  where  the  common  household  bread  is 
used,  it  should  never  be  cut  less  than  an  inch  and  a  half  thick. 
There  is  nothing  more  plebeian  than  thin  bread  at  dinner. 

Never  use  your  knife  to  convey  your  food  to  your  mouth, 
under  any  circumstances ;  it  is  unnecessary,  and  glaringly  vul- 
gar. Feed  yourself  with  a  fork  or  spoon,  nothing  else — a  knife 
is  only  to  be  used  for  cutting. 

If  at  dinner  you  are  requested  to  help  any  one  to  sauce,  do 
not  pour  it  over  the  meat  or  vegetables,  but  on  one  side.  If 
you  should  have  to  carve  and  help  a  joint,  do  not  load  a  per- 
son's plate  —  it  is  vulgar:  also  in  serving  soup,  one  ladleful  to 
each  plate  is  sufficient. 

Fish  should  always  be  helped  with  a  silver  fish-slice,  and 
your  own  portion  of  it  divided  by  the  fork  aided  by  a  piece  of 
bread. 

The  application  of  a  knife  to  fish  is  likely  to  destroy  the  del- 
icacy of"  its  flavor ;  besides  which,  fish  sauces  are  often  acidu- 
lated; acids  corrode  steel,  and  draw  from  it  a  disagreeable 
taste.  In  the  North,  where  lemon  or  vinegar  is  very  generally 
used  for  salmon  and  many  other  kinds  of  fish,  the  objection  be- 
comes more  apparent. 


16  ETIQUETTE,  AND  THE  USAGES  OF  SOCIETY. 

Eat  peas  with  a  dessert  spoon  ;  and  curry  also.  Tarts  and 
puddings  are  to  be  eaten  with  a  spoon.* 

As  a  general  rule — in  helping  any  one  at  table,  never  use  a 
knife  where  you  can  use  a  spoon. 

Making  a  noise  in  chewing,  or  breathing  hard  in  eating,  are 
both  unseemly  habits,  and  ought  to  be  eschewed. 

Many  people  make  a  disgusting  noise  with  their  lips  by  in- 
haling their  breath  strongly  while  taking  soup  —  a  habit  which 
should  be  carefully  avoided. 

*  You  can  not  use  your  knife,  or  fork,  or  teeth  too  quietly. 
Do  not  press  people  to  eat  more  than  they  appear  to  like,  nor 

insist  upon  their  tasting  of  any  particular  dish  :  you  may  so  far 
recommend  one,  as  to  mention  that  it  is  considered  "  excellent." 
Remember  that  tastes  differ,  and  viands  which  please  you,  may 
be  objects  of  dislike  to  others;  and  that  in  consequence  of  your 
urgency,  very  young  or  very  modest  people  may  feel  themselves 
compelled  to  partake  of  what  may  be  most  disagreeable  to 
them. 

*  Do  not  pick  your  teeth  much  at  table,  as,  however  satisfac- 
tory a  practice  to  yourself,  to  witness  it  is  not  at  all  pleasant. 

Ladies  should  never  dine  with  their  gloves  on  —  unless  their 
hands  are  not  fit  to  be  seen. 

Servants  occasionally  wait  at  table  in  clean  white  gloves  $ 
there  are  few  things  more  disagreeable  than  the  thumb  of  a 
clumsy  waiter  in  your  plate. 

The  custom,  however  of  servants  waiting  at  table  in  gloves 
has  never  been  adopted  in  the  mansions  of  people  of  distinc- 
tion. A  white  damask  napkin,  in  which  his  thumb  is  enveloped, 
is  given  to  each  servant,  and  this  effectually  precludes  its  con- 
tact with  your  plate. 

Glass  wine-coolers,  half  filled  with  water,  should  be  placed 
next  each  person  at  table. 

*  By  a  step  in  pseudo  refinement,  the  etiquette  of  1839  pronounces  that  the 
use  of  a  spoon  for  these  purposes  must  be  carefully  avoided  at  dinner,  it  being 
only  admissible  for  soups  and  ices. 


DINNERS.  17 

Finger  glasses,  filled  with  warm  water,  come  on  with  the 
dessert.  Wet  a  corner  of  your  napkin,  and  wipe  your  mouth, 
then  rinse  your  fingers ;  but  do  not  practise  the  filthy  custom 
of  gargling  your  mouth  at  table,  albeit  the  usage  prevails  among 
a  few,  who  think  that  because  it  is  a  foreign  habit  it  can  not  be 
disgusting. 

The  custom  of  drinking  toasts,  and  of  forcing  people  to  drink 
bumper  after  bumper  of  wine  until  drunkenness  results,  is  quite 
banished  from  gentlemanly  society  to  its  proper  place — the  tavern. 
It  arises  from  a  mistaken  idea  of  making  visiters  welcome  :  the 
amphitryon  of  the  feast  overlooking  the  fact  of  its  being  much 
more  hospitable  to  allow  his  guests  to  do  as  they  please,  and 
to  take  only  as  much  wine  as  they  may  feel  convenient  or 
agreeable.  It  is  but  a  miserable  boast,  that  a  man  has  suf- 
cient  strength  of  stomach  to  sit  his  companions  "  under  the 
table." 

*  Never  pare  an  apple  or  a  pear  for  a*  lady  unless  she  desire 
you,  and  then  be  careful  to  use  your  fork  to  hold  it :  you  may 
sometimes  offer  to  divide  a  very  large  pear  with  or  for  a  person. 
«  At  some  of  the  best  houses,  coffee  is  brought  into  the  dining- 
room  before  the  gentlemen  quit  the  table — a  very  good  custom, 
as  it  gently  prevents  excess,  the  guests  retiring  to  the  ladies 
immediately  afterward  ;  it  also  allows  those  who  have  other 
engagements  to  take  coffee  before  they  quit  the  house.  Coffee 
should  be  brought  in  at  an  hour  previously  appointed,  without 
the  bell  being  rung  for  it,  but  a  sufficient  interval  must  be 
allowed,  lest  the  host  seem  chary  of  his  wine.  For  instance, 
nine  o'clock  is  a  good  hour,  if  the  dinner  were  at  six ;  or  ten 
o'clock  for  one  which  commenced  at  seven. 

At  present,  coffee  is  not  brought  into  the  dining-room  in 
fashionable  houses,  except  when  a  small  party,  intending  to  go 
to  a  theatre,  are  pressed  for  time — it  is  always  served  in  the 
drawing-room.  Nevertheless,  the  former  is  a  very  excellent 
arrangement  in  country  houses,  for  very  obvious  reasons. 

Coffee,  071  the  continent,  and  sometimes  in  this  country,  is 

2 


18  ETIQUETTE,  AND  THE  USAGES  OF  SOCIETY. 

followed  by  liqueurs  of  two  or  three  kinds,  which  are  left  to  the 
choice  of  the  guests,  and  are  poured  into  very  small  glasses  — 
an  unnecessary  custom,  not  to  be  advocated  in  respectable,  but 
only  in  "  high"  society. 

Do  not  suppose  that  it  will  exalt  you  in  the  opinion  of  others 
by  speaking  harshly  and  imperatively  to  servants,  or  add  at  all 
to  your  consequence.  Never  order  other  people's  servants 
about.  At  a  strange  table,  say  "  if  you  please,"  and  "  thank 
you:"  it  may  be  said  in  a  manner  that  will  not  encourage 
familiarity. 

Should  your  servants  break  anything  while  you  are  at  table, 
never  turn  round,  or  inquire  into  the  particulars,  however 
annoyed  you  may  feel.  If  your  servants  betray  stupidity  or 
awkwardness  in  waiting  on  your  guests,  avoid  reprimanding 
them  publicly,  as  it  only  draws  attention  to  their  errors,  and 
adds  to  their  embarrassment. 

Nothing  indicates  a  well- bred  man  more  than  a  proper  mode 
of  eating  his  dinner.  A  man  may  pass  muster  by  dressing  well, 
and  may  sustain  himself  tolerably  in  conversation  ;  but  if  he  be 
not  perfectly  "  au  fait,"  dinner  will  betray  him. 

It  is  a  piece  of  superlative  folly  for  men  who  dine  at  a  house 
to  take  their  round  hats  into  the  drawing-room :  it  answers  no 
purpose  at  all;  and  the  necessity  of  giving  them  to  a  servant  on 
entering  the  dinner  room  creates  confusion.  Men  of  fashion, 
nevertheless,  invariably  take  their  hats  into  the  drawing-room, 
where  they  are  left  when  people  go  to  dinner,  and  whence  they 
are  removed  by  the  servants,  and  placed  in  the  ante-room,  or 
vestibule. 

Invitations  to  dine  should  be  answered  to  the  lady.  Invita- 
tions to  a  ball  should  be  in  the  lady's  name,  and  the  answer,  of 
course,  sent  to  her. 

It  is  customary,  when  you  have  been  out  dining,  to  leave  a 
card  upon  the  lady  the  next  day,  or  as  soon  after  as  may  be 
convenient. 

Attentions  of  this  sort  are  not  to  be  expected  from  profes- 


DINNERS.  19 

sional  men,  as  doctors,  lawyers,  &c.,  their  time  being  too  valu- 
able to  sacrifice  in  making  visits  of  mere  ceremony ;  therefore, 
do  not  attribute  such  omission  to  any  want  of  respect,  but  to 
its  proper  cause — time  more  usefully  occupied* 

When  a  man  is  about  to  be  married,  he  usually  gives  a  din- 
ner to  his  bachelor  friends ;  which  is  understood  to  be  their 
conge,  unless  he  choose  to  renew  their  acquaintance. 


20  ETIQUETTE,  AND  THE  USAGES  OF  SOCIETY. 


CHAPTER  V. 


SMOKING. 


If  you  are  so  unfortunate  as  to  have  contracted  the  low 
habit  of  smoking,  be  careful  to  practise  it  under  certain  restric- 
tions ;  at  least  so  long  as  you  are  desirous  of  being  considered 
fit  for  civilized  society. 

The  first  mark  of  a  gentleman  is  a  sensitive  regard  for  the 
feelings  of  others ;  therefore,  smoke  where  it  is  least  likely  to 
prove  offensive  by  making  your  clothes  smell ;  then  wash  your 
mouth  and  brush  your  teeth.  What  man  of  delicacy  could 
presume  to  address  a  lady  with  his  breath  smelling  of  onions  ? 
Yet  tobacco  is  equally  odious.  The  tobacco  smoker,  in  public, 
is  the  most  selfish  animal  imaginable ;  he  perseveres  in  con- 
taminating the  pure  and  fragrant  air,  careless  whom  he  annoys, 
and  is  but  the  fitting  inmate  of  a  tavern. 

Smoking  in  the  streets,  or  in  a  theatre,  is  only  practised  by 
shop-boys,  pseudo-fashionables  —  and  the  "swell  mob." 

All  songs  that  you  may  see  written  in  praise  of  smoking  in 
magazines  or  newspapers,  or  hear  sung  upon  the  stage,  are 
puffs,  paid  for  by  the  proprietors  of  cigar  divans  and  tobacco 
shops,  to  make  their  trade  popular;  therefore,  never  believe 
nor  be  deluded  by  them. 

Never  be  seen  in  cigar  divans  or  billiard  rooms ;  they  are  fre- 
quented, at  best,  by  an  equivocal  set.  Nothing  good  can  be 
gained  there ;  and  a  man  loses  his  respectability  by  being  seen 
entering  or  coming  out  of  such  places. 


SNUFF.  21 


CHAPTER  VI. 

SNUFF. 

As  snuff-taking  is  merely  an  idle,  dirty  habit,  practised  by 
stupid  people  in  the  unavailing  endeavor  to  clear  their  stolid 
intellect,  and  is  not  a  custom  particularly  offensive  to  their 
neighbors,  it  may  be  left  to  each  individual  taste  as  to  whether 
it  be  continued  or  not.  An  "  elegant"  can  not  take  much 
snuff  without  decidedly  "  losing  caste." 

"  Doctor,"  said  an  old  gentleman,  who  was  an  inveterate 
snuff-taker,  to  a  physician,  "  is  it  true  that  snuff  destroys  the 
olfactory  nerves,  clogs,  and  otherwise  injures  the  brain?"  "It 
can  not  be  true,"  was  the  caustic  reply,  "  since  those  who  have 
any  brains  never  take  snuff  at  all" 


22  ETIQUETTE,    AND   THE    USAGES   OF    SOCIETY. 


CHAPTER  VII. 

FASHION. 

But  few  things  betray  greater  imbecility  of  mind  than  a  ser- 
vile imitation  of  the  extravagancies  of  any  fashionable  monster. 
A  man  possessed  of  the  delicate  and  proper  feelings  of  a  gen* 
tleman  would  deem  himself  degraded  by  copying  another,  even 
to  the  curling  of  a  whisker,  or  the  tie  of  a  cravat ;  as,  by  so 
doing,  he  could  only  show  the  world  of  how  little  importance 
he  felt  himself,  and  the  very  poor  opinion  he  entertained  of  his 
own  taste. 

Fashion  and  gentility  are  very  distinct  things— for  which 
reason,  people,  really  of  the  highest  rank,  are  too  proud  to  be- 
come martyrs  to  any  prevailing  mode ;  and  the  man  of  true 
taste  will  limit  his  compliance  with  the  caprices  of  fashion  to 
not  appearing  equally  conspicuous  for  its  utter  neglect. 


DRESS.  23 


CHAPTER  VIIL 

DRESS. 

It  is  bad  taste  to  dress  in  the  extreme  of  fashion ;  and,  in 
general,  those  only  do  so  who  have  no  other  claim  to  distinc- 
tion—  leave  it,  in  these  times,  to  shopmen  and  pickpockets. 
There  are  certain  occasions,  however,  when  you  may  dress  as 
gayly  as  you  please,  observing  the  maxim  of  the  ancient  poet, 
to  be  "  great  on  great  occasions."  Men  often  think  when  they 
wear  a  fashionably  cut  coat,  an  embroidered  waistcoat,  with  a 
profusion  of  chains  and  other  trinkets,  that  they  are  well 
dressed,  entirely  overlooking  the  less  obtrusive,  but  more  cer- 
tain, marks  of  a  refined  taste.  The  grand  points  are — well- 
made  shoes,  clean  gloves,  a  white  pocket  handkerchief,  and, 
above  all,  an  easy  and  graceful  deportment. 

Do  not  affect  singularity  in  dress,  by  wearing  out-of-the-way 
hats,  or  gaudy  waistcoats,  &c,  and  so  become  contemptibly  con- 
spicuous ;  nothing  is  more  easy  than  to  attract  attention  in  such 
a  manner,  since  it  requires  neither  sense  nor  taste.  A  shrewd 
old  gentleman  said  of  one  of  these  "ninnies,"  that  "he  would 
rather  be  taken  for  a  fool,  than  not  be  noticed  at  all" 

A  dress  perfectly  suited  to  a  tall  good-looking  man,  may 
render  one  who  is  neither  ridiculous ;  as  although  the  former 
may  wear  a  remarkable  waistcoat  or  singular  coat,  almost  with 
impunity,  the  latter,  by  adopting  a  similar  costume,  exposes 
himself  to  the  laughter  of  all  who  see  him.  An  unassuming 
simplicity  in  dress  should  always  be  preferred,  as  it  prepossesses 
every  one  in  favor  of  the  wearer. 

Never  affect  the  "  ruffianly"  style  of  dress,  unless,  as  some 
excuse,  you  hold  a  brilliant  position  in  society.     A  nobleman, 


24  ETIQUETTE,    AND    THE    USAGES    OF    SOCIETY. 

or  an  exceedingly  elegant  and  refined  man,  is  sometimes  foolish 
enough  to  disguise  himself,  and  assume  the  "ruffian,"  as  it 
amuses  him  to  mark  the  surprise  of  people  at  the  contrast  be- 
tween his  abearance  and  his  manners  ;  but  if  you  have  no  such 
pretensions,  let  your  costume  be  as  unostentatious  as  possible, 
lest  people  only  remark  that  "  your  dress  is  as  coarse  as  your 
mind" 

Always  wear  your  gloves  in  church  or  in  a  theatre. 

Avoid  wearing  jewellery,  unless  it  be  in  very  good  taste,  and 
then  only  at  proper  seasons.  This  is  the  age  of  mosaic  gold 
and  other  trash  ;  and  by  dint  of  swindling,  any  one  may  become 
"flashy"  at  a  small  expense.  Recollect  that  every  shop-boy 
can  coarsely  imitate  your  "  outward  and  visible  sign"  if  he 
choose  to  save  his  money  for  that  purpose.  If  you  will  stand 
out  in  "  high  and  bold  relief,"  endeavor  to  become  eminent  for 
some  virtue  or  talent,  that  people  may  say,  "  There  goes  the 
celebrated  (not  the  notorious)  Mr.  So-and-so." 

It  is  a  delicate  subject  to  hint  at  the  incongruities  of  a  lady's 
dress — yet,  alas!  it  forces  itself  upon  our  notice  when  we  see 
a  female  attired  with  elaborate  gorgeousness,  picking  her  steps 
along  the  sloppy  streets,  after  a  week's  snow  and  a  three  days' 
thaw,  walking  in  a  dress  only  fit  for  a  carriage.  When  country 
people  visit  London,  and  see  a  lady  enveloped  in  ermine  and 
velvets,  reclining  in  a  carriage,  they  are  apt  to  imagine  it  is  the 
fashionable  dress,  and  adopt  it  accordingly,  overlooking  the 
coronet  emblazoned  on  the  pannels,  and  that  its  occupant  is  a 
dutchess  or  a  marchioness  at  the  least,  and  that  were  the  same 
person  to  walk,  she  would  be  in  a  very  different  costume,  and 
then  only  attended  by  a  footman. 

Ladies  of  good  taste  seldom  wear  jewellery  in  the  morning ; 
and  when  they  do,  confine  themselves  to  trinkets  of  gold,  or 
those  in  which  opaque  stones  only  are  introduced.  Ornaments 
with  brilliant  stones  are  unsuited  for  a  morning  costume. 


OP   MUSIC    IN   GENERAL    SOCIETY.  25 


CHAPTER  IX. 

OF   MUSIC   IN   GENERAL    SOCIETY. 

It  is  the  misfortune  of  musical  people  generally  to  be  such 
enthusiasts,  that,  once  beginning,  they  seldom  know  when  to 
leave  off:  there  are  few  things  a  greater  seccatura  than  a  long 
"Concerto,"  or  duett  upon  the  pianoforte,  or  an  "Air  with 
(endless)  variations."  The  listeners  get  fidgetty  and  tired,  al- 
though they  are  usually  too  polite  to  say  so.  I  once  sat  next 
to  a  foreigner,  who  had  endured  with  exemplary  patience  a  te- 
dious "  Concerto,"  and  who,  when  it  was  finished,  applauded 
vehemently,  then,  turning  round  to  me  with  a  droll  expression 
of  countenance,  said,  "  Pcrche  sc  Jinisce."  * 

Nothing,  however,  is  more  rude  than  to  converse  while  peo- 
ple are  singing.  If  you  do  not  like  music  sufficiently  to  listen 
to  it,  you  should  remember  that  others  may  do  so,  and  that 
not  only  do  you  interrupt  their  enjoyment  of  it,  but  you  offer 
an  offence  to  the  singers. 

A  song  now  and  then  is  very  desirable,  as  it  is  a  relief  to 
conversation,  but  half  a  dozen  consecutively,  even  from  St.  Ce- 
cilia in  person,  would  become  a  bore ;  besides  which,  people 
are  now  accustomed  to  hear  popular  songs  executed  by  those 
whose  profession  it  is,  with  a  superiority  rarely  attainable  in 
private  life,  so  that  amateurs  seldom  do  more  than  provoke  un- 
fortunate comparisons.  However,  when  highly-gifted  musicians 
are  found  in  private  society,  we  have  generally  observed  their 
delicacy  to  be  in  proportion  to  their  excellence. 

But  the  case  is  much  worse  when  a  professional  "violinist" 

*  "  Because  it 's  finished." 


26  ETIQUETTE,  AND  THE  USAGES  OP  SOCIETY. 

is  admitted  into  a  private  party :  he  either  flourishes  away,  un- 
conscious that  he  is  not  in  an  orchestra,  or  else,  desirous  to 
prove  his  superiority  over  the" dilettanti"  he  overpowers  them 
with  a  tone  which  might  fill  a  cathedral.  The  best  fiddles  scream 
too  much  in  (comparatively)  small  rooms,  however  delicately 
they  may  be  played ;  besides  that  few  even  of  the  first  English 
musicians  seem  to  understand  what  an  "  accompaniment''''  really 
means,  each  performer  being  too  intent  on  making  his  particular 
instrument  heard  above  the  rest,  to  care  about  the  subject,  or  to 
feel  that  an  "  accompaniment"  should  be  subdued,  and  subser- 
vient to  the  voice. 

We  once  heard  the  silver  tones  of  an  exquisite  singer  com* 
pletely  overpowered,  between  the  shriekings  of  a  fiddle,  the 
vain-glorious  grumblings  of  a  violoncello,  and  the  wheezings 
of  a  dyspeptic  flute. 


DANCING*  27 


CHAPTER  X. 

DANCING. 

With  the  etiquette  of  a  ball-room,  90  far  as  it  goes,  there 
are  but  few  people  unacquainted.  Certain  persons  are  appointed 
to  act  as  stewards,  or  there  will  be  a"  master  of  the  ceremo- 
nies," whose  office  it  is  to  see  that  everything  be  conducted  in 
a  proper  manner :  if  you  are  entirely  a  stranger,  it  is  to  them 
you  must  apply  for  a  partner,  and  point  out  (quietly)  any  young 
lady  with  whom  you  should  like  to  dance,  when,  if  there  be  no 
obvious  inequality  of  rank,  they  will  present  you  for  that  pur- 
pose ;  should  there  be  an  objection,  they  will  probably  select 
some  one  they  consider  more  suitable ;  but  do  not,  on  any  ac- 
count, go  to  a  strange  lady  by  yourself,  and  request  her  to 
dance,  as  she  will  unhesitatingly  "  decline  the  honor,"  and 
think  you  an  impertinent  fellow  for  your  presumption. 

Any  presentation  to  a  lady  in  a  public  ball-room,  for  the 
mere  purpose  of  dancing,  does  not  entitle  you  to  claim  her 
acquaintance  afterward;  therefore,  should  you  meet  her  the 
next  day,  do  not  attempt  to  address  her.  At  most,  you  may 
lift  your  hat ;  but  even  that  is  better  avoided — unless,  indeed, 
she  first  bow  —  as  neither  she  nor  her  friends  can  know  who  or 
what  you  are. 

In  France,  Italy,  Germany,  and  Russia,  gentlemen  invariably 
take  off  their  hat  to  every  lady  in  whose  society  they  had  ever 
previously  been,  even  though  no  introduction  had  taken  place ; 
but  they  do  not  consider  themselves  authorized  to  address  a 
lady  in  conversation  to  whom  they  have  not  been  presented. 
This  is  surely  the  usage  most  consistent  with  true  politeness 
toward  women. 


28  ETIQUETTE,  AND  THE  USAGES  OF  SOCIETY. 

Do  not  wear  black  or  colored  gloves,  lest  your  partner  look 
sulky ;  even  should  you  be  in  mourning,  wear  white  gloves,  not 
black.  People  in  deep  mourning  have  no  business  in  a  ball- 
room at  all. 

Lead  the  lady  through  the  quadrille ;  do  not  drag  her,  nor 
clasp  her  hand  as  if  it  were  made  of  wood,  lest  she  not  unjustly 
think  you  a  boor. 

You  will  not,  if  you  are  wise,  stand  up  in  a  quadrille  without 
knowing  something  of  the  figure ;  and  if  you  are  master  of  a 
few  of  the  steps,  so  much  the  better.  But  dance  quietly ;  do 
not  kick  and  caper  about,  nor  sway  your  body  to  and  fro : 
dance  only  from  the  hips  downward  ;  and  lead  the  lady  as  lightly 
as  you  would  tread  a  measure  with  a  spirit  of  gossamer. 

Do  not  pride  yourself  on  doing  "steps  neatly,"  unless  yOu  are 
ambitious  of  being  taken  for  a  dancing-master ;  between  whose 
motions  and  those  of  a  gentleman  there  is  a  great  difference. 

If  a  lady  should  civilly  decline  to  dance  with  you,  making  an 
excuse,  and  you  chance  to  see  her  dancing  afterward,  do  not 
take  any  notice  of  it,  nor  be  offended  with  her.  It  might  not 
be  that  she  despised  you,  but  that  she  preferred  another.  We 
can  not  always  fathom  the  hidden  springs  which  influence  a 
woman's  actions,  and  there  are  many  bursting  hearts  within 
white  satin  dresses  ;  therefore  do  not  insist  upon  the  fulfilment 
of  established  regulations  "  de  rigueur."  Besides,  it  is  a  hard 
case  that  women  should  be  compelled  to  dance  with  everybody 
offered  them,  at  the  alternative  of  not  being  allowed  to  enjoy 
themselves  at  all. 

If  a  friend  be  engaged  when  you  request  her  to  dance,  and 
she  promises  to  be  your  partner  for  the  next  or  any  of  the  fol- 
lowing dances,  do  not  neglect  her  when  the  time  comes,  but  be 
in  readiness  to  fulfil  your  office  as  her  cavalier,  or  she  may  think 
that  you  have  studiously  slighted  her,  besides  preventing  her 
obliging  some  one  else.  Even  inattention  and  forgetfulness,  by 
showing  how  little  you  care  for  a  lady,  form  in  themselves  a 
tacit  insult. 


DANCING.  29 

If  a  lady  waltz  with  you,  beware  not  to  press  her  waist ;  you 
must  only  lightly  touch  it  with  the  open  palm  of  your  hand, 
lest  you  leave  a  disagreeable  impression  not  only  on  her  ceinture, 
but  on  her  mind. 

Above  all,  do  not  be  prone  to  quarrel  in  a  ball-room ;  it  dis- 
turbs the  harmony  of  the  company,  and  should  be  avoided  if 
possible.  Recollect  that  a  thousand  little  derelictions  from  strict 
propriety  may  occur  through  the  ignorance  or  stupidity  of  the 
aggressor,  and  not  from  any  intention  to  annoy :  remember,  also, 
that  really  well-bred  women  will  not  thank  you  for  making  them 
conspicuous  by  over-officiousness  in  their  defence,  unless, 
indeed,  there  be  any  serious  or  glaring  violation  of  decorum. 
In  small  matters,  ladies  are  both  able  and  willing  to  take  care 
of  themselves,  and  would  prefer  being  allowed  to  overwhelm 
the  unlucky  offender  in  their  own  way. 

If,  while  walking  up  and  down  a  public  promenade,  you 
should  meet  friends  or  acquaintances  whom  you  do  not  intend 
to  join,  it  is  only  necessary  to  salute  them  the  first  time  of pass- 
ing ;  to  bow  or  to  nod  to  them  every  round  would  be  tiresome, 
and  therefore  improper  ;  do  not  be  afraid  that  they  will  think 
you  odd  or  unfriendly,  as,  if  they  have  any  sense  at  all,  they 
will  appreciate  your  reasons.  If- you  have  anything  to  say  to 
them,  join  them  at  once. 


30  ETIQUETTE,    AND   THE   USAGES   OF   SOCIETY. 


CHAPTER  XL 

CONVERSATION. 

Many  men  of  talent  forget  that  the  object  of  conversation  is 
to  entertain  and  amuse,  and  that  society,  to  be  agreeable,  must 
never  be  made  the  arena  of  dispute.  Some  persons  spoil  every 
party  they  join  by  making  it  their  only  object  to  prove  that 
every  one  present  is  in  the  wrong  but  themselves. 

It  requires  so  much  tact  and  good  breeding  to  sustain  an  ar- 
gument, however  logical  and  correct  the  arguer  may  be,  that  an 
avoidance  of  it  will  gain  him  more  popularity  than  a  triumph 
over  his  adversary  could  accomplish. 

Even  slight  inaccuracy  in  statement  of  facts  or  opinions 
should  rarely  be  remarked  on  in  conversation. 

A  man  should  never  permit  himself  to  lose  his  temper  in 
society — not  show  that  he  has  taken  offence  at  any  supposed 
slight — it  places  him  in  a  disadvantageous  position — betraying 
an  absence  of  self-respect,  or  at  the  least  of  self-possession. 

If  a  "  puppy"  adopt  a  disagreeable  tone  of  voice,  or  offen- 
sive manner  toward  you,  never  resent  it  at  the  time — and  above 
all,  do  not  adopt  the  same  style  in  your  conversation  with  him ; 
appear  not  to  notice  it,  and  generally  it  will  be  discontinued,  as 
it  will  be  seen  that  it  has  failed  in  its  object :  besides  which — 
you  save  your  temper. 

*  Be  careful  in  company  how  you  defend  your  friends,  unless 
the  conversation  be  addressed  to  yourself.  Remember  that 
nobody  is  perfect,  and  people  may  sometimes  speak  the  truth ; 
and  that,  if  contradicted,  they  may  be  desirous  of  justifying 
themselves,  and  will  p-ove  what  might  otherwise  have  been  a 
matter  of  doubt. 


CONVERSATION.  31 

Wit  elicits  wit ;  and  when  such  brilliant  materials  meet,  they 
form  the  flint  and  steel  of  conversation :  appreciation  is  the 
tinder,  which,  though  not  bright  in  itself,  receives  and  cherishes 
the  scintillations  as  they  fall.  Who  has  not  felt  his  intellect 
expand  with  the  assurance  of  having  what  he  says  understood  ? 
Appreciation  certainly  is  a  talent. 

Never  "  talk  at  people" — it  is  in  the  worst  possible  taste,  as 
it  is  taking  an  unfair  advantage  of  them :  if  there  be  anything 
you  dislike,  "  out  with  it  boldly  "  and  give  them  an  opportunity 
of  explaining,  or  of  defendiug  themselves ;  or  else  be  silent. 

*  Do  not  say  a  person  is  "  affable"  unless  he  or  she  be  of 
very  high  rank,  as  it  implies  condescension.  Royal  personages 
are  "  gracious." 

*  Do  not  repeat  the  name  of  the  person  to  whom  you  are 
speaking — as,  "Indeed,  Mr*  Stubbs,  you  don't  say  so,  sir:" 
or,  "Really,  Mrs.  Fidkins,  I  quite  agree  with  you,  Mrs.  Fid- 
kins."  It  is  a  sufficiently  bad  habit  in  an  equal,  but  in  one  of 
lower  rank  it  becomes  an  impertinence. 

In  talking  of  your  own  children,  never  speak  of  them  as 
"Master  William,"  or  "MssJane;"  " Mr.  Henry,"  or  "Miss 
Louisa :"  it  is  a  miserable  attempt  to  elevate  both  them  and 
yourself,  which  will  assuredly  fail,  as  it  is  practised  by  those 
only  who  have  recently  risen  above  that  dingy  mass  of  medioc- 
rity— the  "multitude;"  leave  it,  therefore,  to  others  to  pay 
them  so  proper  a  mark  of  respect,  secure  that  none  but  very 
intimate  friends  will  take  the  liberty  of  calling  them  plain 
"  Mary"  or  "  Edward :"  this  is  an  important  caution,  as  it  is 
generally  the  first  error  committed  by  the  "  nouveaux  riches." 

Above  all  things,  do  not  mistake  stiffness  for  dignity;  the 
very  spirit  of  good  breeding  consists  in  being  easy  and  natural 
yourself — and  in  the  endeavor  to  make  others  the  same.  Eti- 
quette is  only  the  armor  of  society ;  and  when  your  position  is 
fairly  established,  it  may  be  thrown  aside,  at  least  so  far  as  is 
consistent  with  good  feeling  and  decorum. 

Avoid  a  loud  tone  of  voice  in  conversation,  or  a  "  horse 


32  ETIQUETTE,  AND  THE  USAGES  OF  SOCIETY. 

laugh :"  both  are  exceedingly  vulgar ;  and  if  practised,  stran- 
gers may  think  that  you  have  been  "  cad"  to  an  omnibus. 
There  is  a  slightly  subdued  patrician  tone  of  voice,  which  we 
fear  can  only  be  acquired  in  good  society.  Be  cautious  also 
how  you  take  the  lead  in  conversation,  unless  it  be  forced  upon 
you,  lest  people  reiterate  the  remark  made  on  a  certain  occasion 
upon  that  "  Brummagem"  Johnson,  Dr.  Parr — that  "  he  was 
like  a  great  toe  in  society  ;  the  most  ignoble  part  of  the  body,  yet 
ever  thrust  foremost" 

Be  very  careful  how  you  "  show  off"  in  strange  company, 
unless  you  be  thoroughly  conversant  with  your  subject,  as  you 
are  never  sure  of  the  person  next  to  whom  you  may  be  seated. 
It  is  a  common  occurrence  for  young  gentlemen  of  very  shallow 
pretensions  indeed,  to  endeavor  to  astonish  country  society, 
never  dreaming  that  experienced  London  men  may  be  present, 
when  an  exposure  most  probably  follows  as  a  penalty  for  their 
presumption.  For  instance  —  never  talk  largely  of  the  "  Opera" 
—  "Pasta,  Grisi,  Lablache,"  &c,  on  the  strength  of  having 
been  there  once  or  twice  only,  lest  you  unwittingly  address 
some  old  frequenter  of  the  theatre,  who  has  for  the  last  twenty 
years  been  accustomed  to  hear  all  the  "pimi  cantanti,  serii  e 
buffi"  and  who  will,  most  likely,  have  every  opera,  its  "  casts," 
and  music,  at  his  tongue's  end :  neither  talk  learnedly  of  pic- 
tures—  "bits,"  "effects,"  or  of  "  masters," — "Titian,"  "Ru- 
bens," &c,  from  the  very  slight  information  to  be  obtained  from 
copies  or  engravings,  for  fear  some  sly  old  fellow,  who  is  con- 
versant with  all  the  "  collections"  from  "  Dan  to  Beersheba," 
should  be  malicious  enough  to  analyze  your  knowledge ;  in- 
deed, as  the  consciousness  of  ignorance  is  apt  to  make  people 
peculiarly  sensitive,  it  would  be  as  well  to  avoid  all  subjects 
with  which  you  Jcnoiv  the  generality  of  persons  present  can  not 
be  acquainted  ;  for,  as  the  mere  introduction  of  such  topics  will 
be  considered  and  resented  as  an  assumption  on  your  part, 
should  you  happen  to  be  vanquished  on  your  own  ground,  your 
defeat  will  be  relished  proportionably.     Remember,  that  if  you 


-  CONVERSATION.  33 

are  quiet  in  society,  you  will,  at  least,  have  credit  for  discretion, 
and  be  more  likely  to  escape  annoyance  ;  it  is  display  alone  that 
courts  publicity  and  provokes  criticism.  It  would  astonish  and 
frighten  the  mock  brilliants  we  so  often  meet,  could  they  but 
know  how  quickly  and  infallibly  the  practised  eye  will  detect 
their  position  in  the  world,  in  spite  of  the  gaudy  lacker  spread 
crer  (in  the  hope  of  concealing)  a  homely  material;  in  such 
cases,  gorgeous  vestments  act  but  as  conductors  to  the  coarse 
shirt,  and  clumsy  ill-made  boots — such  as  a  gentleman  could 
not  wear ;  the  vulgar  pronunciation  of  one  word — or  an  awk- 
ward undrilled  walk,  is  sufficient  to  render  more  than  doubtful 
the  legitimacy  of  the  most  captivating  exterior. 

It  is  a  matter  of  observation,  that  there  are  so  few  people 
who  know  how  to  walk  properly,  and  who  do  not  "  get  along" 
with  a  lounging  "slewing"  gait;  also  the  pseudo  "  militaires," 
who  appear  never  to  have  known,  that  to  carry  themselves  erect 
— to  step  well — and  to  turn  out  their  toes — are  among  the 
earliest  and  most  indispensable  preparations  for  a  military  life. 

There  can  not  be  a  custom  more  vulgar  or  offensive  than 
that  of  taking  a  person  aside  to  whisper  in  a  room  with  com- 
pany, yet  this  rudeness  is  of  frequent  occurrence  —  and  that 
with  persons  who  ought  to  know  better. 

Lounging  on  sofas,  or  reclining  in  chairs  when  in  society,  as 
if  in  the  privacy  of  one's  own  dressing  room  or  study,  is  always 
considered  indecorous ;  but  in  the  presence  of  ladies  is  deemed 
extremely  vulgar. 

There  are  but  few  things  that  display  worse  taste  than  the 
introduction  of  professional  topics  in  general  conversation,  es- 
pecially if  there  be  ladies  present :  the  minds  of  those  men 
must  be  miserably  ill-stored,  who  can  not  find  other  subjects  for 
conversation  than  their  own  professions.  Who  has  not  felt  this 
on  having  been  compelled  to  listen  to  "  clerical  slang,"  musty 
college  jokes,  and  anecdotes  divested  of  all  interest  beyond  the 
atmosphere  of  a  university ;  or  "  law"  jokes,  with  "  good 
stories"  of  "  learned  counsel;"  "long  yarns;11  or  the  equally 

3 


34  ETIQUETTE,   AND  THE  USAGES  OF  SOCIETY. 

tiresome  muster-roll  of  "  our  regiment" — colonels  dead,  maimed 
majors  retired  on  pensions,  subs  lost  or  "  exchanged,"  gravitating 
between  Boulogne  and  the  King's  Bench  ?  All  such  exclusive 
topics  are  signs  either  of  a  limited  intellect,  or  the  most  lament- 
able ignorance. 

Making  the  "  sports  of  the  field,"  or  anecdotes  of  the  clubs, 
the  topics  of  conversation  in  female  society,  will  subject  a  man 
to  the  imputation  of  having  a  very  mauvais  ton;  indeed,  people 
should  be  careful  not  to  introduce  topics  that  have  only  a  local 
interest,  and  not  to  speak  slightingly  of  those  who  are  the 
friends  of  any  of  the  guests. 

Mothers  should  be  on  their  guard  not  to  repeat  nursery  anec- 
dotes or  bon-mots,  as,  however  interesting  to  themselves,  they 
are  seldom  so  to  others.  Long  stories  should  always  be  avoid- 
ed, as,  however  well  told,  they  interrupt  general  conversation, 
and  leave  the  impression  that  the  narrator  thought  the  circle 
dull,  and  consequently  endeavored  to  amuse  it. 

An  exceedingly  vulgar  custom  prevails  in  the  northern  part 
of  England — that  of  women  using  the  titles  of  their  husbands 
as  marks  of  distinction  to  themselves ;  being  spoken  of,  or 
written  to,  and  even  having  printed  on  their  cards,  "  Mrs.  CapU 
Gubbins"  "  Mrs.  Dr.  Borax"  or  the  more  balmy  and  eupho- 
nious appellation  of  "  Mrs.  Col.  Figgins"  (generally  the  flaxen- 
haired  owner  of  a  bilious  Colonel,  from  "  Choultry  Plains," 
and  late  of  Cheltenham),  It  springs  from  a  desire  to  show  the 
world  how  much  they  are  exalted  by  their  husbands'  rank  above 
the  "Muggs"  and  "Jenkinses"  of  low  life.  How  oddly  "Mrs. 
Alderman  Tibbs,"  or  "Mrs.  Churchwarden  Hobbs,"  would 
sound !  To  such  an  extent  is  this  desire  for  title  carried,  that 
at  Aberdeen  a  row  of  dram-shops  near  the  Pier  is  placarded  as 
being  kept  by  "  Mrs.  Captain  Gordon,"  "  Mrs.  Captain  M'Dou- 
gal,"  &c,  being  the  consorts  of  the  "  masters"  of  the  trading 
smacks.  The  proper  mode  of  distinguishing  the  wives  of  va- 
rious members  of  the  same  family  is  by  using  the  Christian 
name ;  as  Mrs.  Edward,  Mrs.  James,  &c,  as  the  case  may  be. 


CONVERSATION.  35 

Never  use  the  term  " genteel"  Do  not  speak  of  "genteel 
people  ;"  it  is  a  low  estimate  of  good  breeding,  used  only  by 
vulgar  persons,  and  from  their  lips  impjies  that  union  of  finery, 
flippancy,  and  affectation,  often  found  in  those  but  one  remove 
from  "hewers  of  wood  and  drawers  of  water."  Substitute 
"  well-bred  person"  "  manners  of  a  gentlewoman"  or  of  "  a 
gentleman"  instead. 

Never  use  the  initial  of  a  person's  name  to  designate  him ; 
as  "  Mr.  P.,"  "  Mrs.  C.,"  "  Miss  W.,"  &c.  Nothing  is  more 
abominable  than  to  hear  a  woman  speak  of  her  husband  as 
"Mr.  B." 

In  speaking  to  ladies  of  title,  do  not  say  "  my  lady,"  it  being 
only  proper  for  servants  and  tradespeople  so  to  do ;  you  may 
occasionally  say  "your  ladyship,"  as  it  shows  that  you  are 
aware  of  their  claim  to  the  distinction. 

The  fear  of  being  thought  vulgar  often  drives  meritorious 
people,  who  have  risen  by  their  own  exertions,  into  the  opposite 
extreme,  and  causes  them  to  be  superlatively  delicate.  Such 
persons  are  shocked  at  the  sound  of  "  breeches"  will  substitute 
"  inebriated"  for  "  very  drunk"  and  can  not  be  brought  to  al- 
low there  are  such  animals  as  "  women"  in  the  world. 

It  is  also  a  clumsy  attempt  at  refinement  to  use  a  particular 
set  of  words:  at  present  we  have  "splendid  travelling,"  "splen- 
did gin,"  "  splendid  potatoes,"  &c. 


36  ETIQUETTE,    AND    THE    USAGES    OF    SOCIETY, 

CHAPTER  XIL 

ADVICE    TO  TRADESPEOPLE. 

By  tradespeople  I  do  not  mean  merchants  or  manufacturers, 
but  shopkeepers  and  retailers  of  various  goods,  who  will  do  well 
to  remember  that  people  are  respectable  in  their  own  sphere 
only,  and  that  when  they  attempt  to  step  out  of  it  they  cease  to 
be  so.  When  exceptions  are  made  by  the  world,  it  is  generally 
in  favor  of  brilliant  genius  or  extraordinary  acquirements,  and 
even  then  it  can  only  be  by  the  prevailing  suffrage  of  society  y 
therefore,  do  not  attempt  to  claim  the  acquaintance  of  those 
above  you,  lest  you  meet  a  mortifying  repulse.  Many  will  say? 
"  We  are  just  as  good  as  they  are,  and  as  respectable."  So 
vou  are,  but  yet  not  fit  companions  for  each  other.  Society 
is  divided  into  various  orders,  each  class  having  its  own  views, 
its  peculiar  education,  habits,  and  tastes ;  so  that  the  conversa- 
tion of  the  one  would  probablv  be  most  uninteresting  to  the 
other.  It  is  the  fashion  to  talk  of  the  spread  of  education — 
and,  so  far  as  merely  reading  and  writing  go,  it  is  true ;  but 
they  are  only  the  first  steps  to  a  cultivated  mind,  and  the  literary 
acquirements  of  a  man  of  business  are  necessarily  confined  to 
reading  the  newspaper.  He  has  no  time  for  anything  else,  and, 
however  skilful  in  his  trade,  can  not  form  an  idea  of  that  man's 
mind  who  has  devoted  all  his  energies  to  science  or  literature. 
Nay,  can  you  suppose  that  even  the  merchant  of  Portland  place 
and  the  occupant  of  the  back  parlor  to  a  butcher's  shop  think 
and  feel  alike?  Cerainly  not ,  and  recollect,  also,  that  how- 
ever highly  you  may  estimate  yourself,  the  world  will  judge  you 
by  any  standard  rather  than  your  own. 

The  English  are  the  most  aristocratic  democrats  in  the  world  ; 
always  endeavoring  to  squeeze  through  the  portals  of  rank  and 
fashion,  and  then  slamming  the  door  in  the  face  of  any  unfor- 
tunate devil  who  may  happen  to  be  behind  them. 


VISITING. 


CHAPTER  XIII. 


VISITING. 


If  you  are  thrown  among  fashionable  people,  you  must  not 
pay  a  visit  to  a  lady  before  three  o'clock,  P.  M.,  nor  after  five ; 
as,  if  you  call  before  that  time,  you  will  interrupt  those  avoca- 
tions which  more  or  less  occupy  every  lady  in  the  early  part  of  the 
day ;  if  later  than  five  o'clock,  you  will  prevent  her  driving  out. 

On  returning  visits,  a  card  left  at  the  house  is  generally  con- 
sidered all  that  is  necessary ;  but  if  you  are  admitted,  do  not 
make  a  morning  visit  too  long,  lest  you  interfere  with  the 
engagements  of  the  mistress  of  the  house. 

*  Never  leave  your  hat  in  the  hall  when  you  pay  a  morning 
visit ;  it  makes  you  look  too  much  at  home ;  take  it  with  you 
into  the  room. 


"38  ETIQUETTE y  AND  THE  USAGES  OF  SOCIETY. 

I 


CHAPTER  XIV. 


VISITING    CARDS. 


When  a  family  arrive  in  London,  they  should  send  out 
cards  to  their  acquaintances  to  inform  them  of  that  event,  as 
well  as  of  their  address. 

The  names  of  the  daughters  who  have  been  presented  are 
to  be  inscribed  on  the  cards  of  their  mothers. 

One  card  is  sufficient  for  a  mother  and  daughters  to  leave, 
and  should  there  be  daughters  or  sisters  residing  with  the  lady 
called  on,  the  corner  or  corners  of  the  card  may  be  turned 
down,  to  signify  that  the  visit  is  meant  for  them  also. 

When  a  married  lady  makes  a  call,  she  may  leave  her  hus 
band's  card. 

It  is  not  unusual  for  persons  to  send  cards  by  their  servants 
to  return  visits ;  but  this  mode  is  considered  disrespectful,  ex- 
cepting when  it  is  to  return  thanks  for  "  inquiries/' 

On  the  Continent,  persons  inscribe  on  their  cards  "  en  per~ 
sonne,"  to  show  that  they  themselves  have  come,  and  not  sent 
their  cards.  Many  of  the  English,  regardless  of  the  motive, 
notwithstanding  its  being  so  evident,  had  the  same  words  writ- 
ten on  theirs,  and  the  persons  to  whom  these  cards  were  sent 
not  unfrequently  had  cards  with  "  en  personne"  thrust  into  the 
hands  of  their  porter  by  a  laquais  de  place,  when  they  were  in 
the  vestibule,  or  entering  their  carriages,  which  excited  much 
laughter,  the  servants  also  joining  in  the  mirth. 

When  a  wedding  takes  place  in  a  family,  the  cards  of  the 
newly  married  pair  are  sent  round  to  all  their  acquaintances  to 
apprize  them  of  the  event.  The  cards  are  sent  out  by  the 
bridegroom  to  his  acquaintances,  and  by  the  parents  of  the 


VISITING    CARDS.  39 

bride  to  theirs.  In  some  instances  the  cards  have  been  united 
by  silken  or  silver  cords,  but  this  mode  has  not  been  adopted 
by  people  of  fashion. 

To  those  who  leave  cards  at  the  residence  of  the  bride  and 
bridegroom  during  their  absence  in  the  "honey  moon,"  cards 
are  sent  to  inform  them  of  their  return. 

When  cards  are  left  for  married  people  who  reside  with  their 
parents  or  relatives,  their  names  should  be  written  on  the  cards 
left  for  them  to  preclude  mistakes. 

When  persons  without  parents  are  married,  they  should  send 
their  cards  to  their  acquaintances. 

Foreign  ladies  always  inscribe  their  maiden  names,  as  well 
as  their  married  ones,  on  their  cards — as,  "La  Comtesse  de 
M nee  de  S "  ;  this  explains  to  what  family  they  be- 
long, and  prevents  mistakes  where  there  are  others  of  the  same 
name.  An  English  lady  observing  this  mode,  and  wishing  to 
adopt  it,  left  her  cards  with  the  following  inscription,  "  Mrs. 

Popkins nee  Tibbetts,"  to  the  no  small  amusement  of  the 

quizzer  with  whom  they  were  left. 

In  giving  dinners,  endeavor  to  engage  persons  only  who  are 
known  to  each  other,  or  who  mutually  desire  to  become  ac- 
quainted. Exceptions  may  be  made  in  favor  of  persons  of 
acknowledged  merit,  or  of  high  distinction. 

In  society,  verbal  invitations  are  often  given  to  balls  or  con- 
certs, by  persons  with  whom  you  are  only  slightly  acquainted, 
and  have  not  previously  visited :  in  such  a  case,  it  is  proper  to 
leave  a  card  beforehand  on  the  lady  at  whose  house  the  soiree 
is  to  take  place,  that  she  may  be  made  acquainted  with  your 
name  and  intention — so  that  you  may  be  expected;  because 
you  may  have  received  an  invitation  from  her  husband  of  which 
she  was  ignorant,  and  he  may  not  be  there  to  present  you. 
Should  it  so  occur,  a  card  previously  left  will  prevent  either 
party  looking  foolish,  or  the  stranger  appearing  "  de  trop." 

Some  doubts  having  arisen,  after  a  death,  as  to  the  proper 
period  of  returning  cards  of  "  thanks"  for  visits  of  condolence, 


40  ETIQUETTE,    AND    THE    USAGES    OF   SOCIETY. 

we  believe  there  is  no  fixed  time ;  for,  as  cards  of  thanks  imply- 
that  the  bereaved  parties  are  prepared  to  receive  visiters,  it 
must  be,  with  them,  entirely  a  matter  of  feeling. 

In  France,  deaths,  births,  and  marriages,  are  announced  by 
unsealed  letters  sent  round  by  the  heads  of  the  family  in  which 
the  event  has  occurred.  These  are  called  "  lettrcs  de  faire 
part."  Those  addressed  to  relatives  are  written  by  the  chef 
defamille;  and  those  to  friends  and  acquaintances  are  printed. 


CARDS.  41 


CHAPTER  XV. 

CARDS. 

Card-tables  are  generally  set  out  in  .a  room  appropriated 
to  their  use,  or  else  in  the  room  of  reception,  where  they  are 
placed  apart.  When  coffee  has  been  served,  the  master  or 
mistress  of  the  house  proposes  cards  to  the  visiters,  and  those 
disposed  to  play  advance  to  the  table,  at  which  a  fresh  pack  of 
cards  is  opened,  and  spread,  and  each  person  intending  to  play 
draws  a  card.  The  persons  who  draw  the  highest  card  are  ex- 
cluded from  the  rubber;  but  the  four  individuals  who  have 
drawn  the  lowest,  again  draw  cards  for  partners  ;  the  two  highest 
become  partners  ;  and  the  two  who  have  drawn  the  lowest  have 
the  choice  of  seats  and  the  deal. 

At  the  commencement  of  every  fresh  rubber  the  players 
again  cut  for  partners.  For  the  regulation  of  the  games,  our 
readers  are  referred  to  Major  A****#,s  -l  Hints  on  Whist." 
Wagers  are  made  in  preference  with  the  persons  playing ;  but 
if  they  decline  to  accept  them,  a  player  is  justified  in  betting 
with  any  of  the  spectators. 

In  good  society  it  is  considered  mauvais  ton  to  be  too  punc- 
tilious and  exacting  with  regard  to  the  penalties  incurred  through 
mistakes,  which,  in  general,  are  only  enforced  at  the  Clubs, 
where  "  play"  is  looked  on  as  an  affair  on  the  stock  exchange  ; 
where  each  individual  profits  by  the  indiscretion  of  his  oppo- 
nent. To  lose  without  any  exhibition  of  ill-humor,  and  to  win 
without  any  symptom  of  exultation,  are  deemed  characteristic 
of  high  breeding  and  savoir  vivre,  and  those  who  can  not  always 
remember  this,  would  do  well  to  give  up  play. 

Women  should  never  play  except  for  trifling  sums,  and  not 


42  ETIQUETTE,  AND  THE  USAGES  OF  SOCIETY. 

even  then,  unless  they  can  retain  the  command  of  their  temper; 
she  who  wishes  to  win  a  heart,  or  to  retain  one,  should  never 
permit  her  admirers  to  behold  her  at  cards,  as  the  anxiety  they 
produce  is  as  destructive  to  beauty  as  to  sentiment. 


TATTLING.  43 


CHAPTER  XVI 


TATTLING. 


It  has  somewhere  been  observed  that,  "  In  good  society,  a 
tacit  understanding  exists  that  whatsoever  conversation  may 
take  place  shall  be  to  a  certain  degree  sacred,  and  may  not 
honorably  be  carried  out  of  it,  and  repeated  to  the  prejudice  of 
the  utterer."  This  axiom  can  not  be  too  strongly  inculcated ; 
as,  if  such  practices  were  allowed,  all  confidence  would  be  de- 
stroyed, and  there  would  be  no  end  to  the  mischief  caused  by 
silly  or  malignant  people. 

Conversations  ever  have  taken  place,  and  ever  vrill,  in  which 
opinions  are  given,  and  motives  scrutinized,  truly  and  justly  too, 
and  with  decided  advantage  to  the  world,  as  it  is  very  often  the 
only  way  in  which  one  half  of  mankind  can  be  put  upon  their 
guard  against  the  other ;  nevertheless,  but  few  people  would  be 
pleased  to  learn  that  their  designs,  their  foibles,  or  their  weak- 
nesses, had  been  made  the  subject  of  discussion,  as  most  men 
flatter  themselves  the  world  will  take  them  at  whatever  value 
they  may  choose  to  set  upon  themselves.  There  are  none, 
therefore,  so  despicable,  as  those  traitors  to  society  who  hurry 
from  house  to  house,  laden  with  the  remarks  made  by  one  party 
upon  another;  stirring  up  discord  and  strengthening  hatred 
wheresoever  they  appear — by  whom  every  unguarded  expres- 
sion is  distorted  or  magnified,  and  who  take  a  malicious  pleas- 
ure (too  often  under  the  guise  of  affection)  in  wounding  one 
friend  at  the  expense  of  another.  This  is  the  bane  of  country 
society,  and  falls  particularly  heavy  on  those  "  accustomed  to 
all  the  freedom  of  thought  and  frankness  of  expression  of  a 


44  ETIQUETTE,    AND   THE    USAGES    OF   SOCIET7. 

great  capital,  and  who  find  it  difficult,  if  not  impossible,  to 
adopt  the  caution  so  necessary  in  a  small  community."  * 

Consequently,  give  your  own  opinion  of  people  if  you  choose, 
but  you  are  not  at  liberty  to  repeat  that  of  others.  Only  fancy 
the  result  of  one  lady  saying  to  another,  "  Well,  Maria,  what 
do  you  think  Miss  Macaw  says  of  you  ?  She  says,  that  you 
have  the  thickest  ankles,  and  the  thinnest  arms,  of  any  girl  in 
the  county ;  with  a  contour  like  an  alligator,  and  a  head  like  a 
bison!!!" 

Be  cautious  how  you  indulge  in  badinage  in  the  presence  of 
dull,  common-place  people;  they  will  either  get  out  of  temper 
in  consequence  of  taking  what  you  say  literally,  or  else  will 
stare  and  wonder  at  you  for  being  such  a  "  strange  man." 
"  Poor  Susan !"  said  a  gentleman  to  a  pretty  girl.  "  Poor, 
indeed !"  replied  the  lady,  with  an  indignant  toss  of  the  head ; 
'f  not  so  poor  as  that  comes  to.  Papa  can  give  us  something." 
What  an  anticipation  for  the  sensitive  aspirant ! 

*  Life  of  Mackintosh. 


OF    GENERAL    SOCIETT.  45 


CHAPTER  XVII. 


OF    GENERAL    SOCIETY. 


If  you  meet  a  lady  of  your  acquaintance  in  the  street,  it  is 
her  part  to  notice  you  first,  unless,  indeed,  you  are  very  inti- 
mate. The  reason  is,  if  you  bow  to  a  lady  first,  she  may  not 
choose  to  acknowledge  you,  and  there  is  no  remedy;  but  if  she 
bow  to  you — you,  as  a  gentleman,  can  not  cut  her. 

On  the  Continent  the  fashion  in  this  instance  as  in  many 
others,  is  exactly  the  reverse.  No  lady,  however  intimate  you 
may  be  with  her,  will  acknowledge  your  acquaintance  in  the 
street,  unless  you  are  the  first  to  honor  her  with  a  bow  of  rec- 
ognition. It  must  be  obvious,  however,  to  all  thinking  persons, 
that  our  own  custom  is  the  most  in  accordance  with  good  taste. 

Never  nod  to  a  lady  in  the  street,  neither  be  satisfied  with 
touching  your  hat,  but  take  it  off — it  is  a  courtesy  her  sex  de- 
mands. 

Never  keep  your  hat  on  when  handing  a  lady  to  her  box  or 
to  her  carnage. 

Never  slam  the  door  of  a  box  with  violence,  nor  speak  loudly 
enough  to  disturb  an  audience.  When  you  visit  a  lady  in  her 
box  at  the  opera,  be  sure  to  leave  it  when  other  visiters  enter, 
lest  you  be  de  trop. 

Never  sit  in  the  boxes  of  a  theatre  with  your  hat  on ;  it  is 
an  insult  to  the  rest  of  the  audience,  especially  if  there  be 
ladies. 

*Do  not  insist  upon  pulling  off  your  glove  on  a  very  hot  day 
when  you  shake  hands  with  a  lady.  If  it  be  off,  why,  all  very 
well ;  but  it  is  better  to  run  the  risk  of  being  considered  un- 
gallant,  than  to  present  a  clammy  ungloved  hand. 


46  ETIQUETTE,  AND  THE  USAGES  OF  SOCIETY. 

Never,  indeed,  offer  your  hand,  unless  well  assured  that  it  is 
in  a  presentable  state  of  frigidity ;  for  the  touch  of  a  tepid  hand 
chills  the  warmest  feelings. 

On  entering  a  coffee-house,  and  sitting  down,  take  off  your 
hat;  it  is  only  a  proper  mark  of  respect  to  your  own  class, 
toward  whom  you  should  pay  the  same  deference  you  exact 
from  others. 

If  you  meet  a  friend  in  the  street — in  a  coffee-house,  shop, 
or  indeed  any  public  place,  never  address  him  by  name;  at 
least  not  so  loudly  as  that  others  may  hear  it :  sensitive  people 
do  not  like  to  be  "  shown  up"  to  strangers  as  "  Mr.  Jones,"  or 
"  Mr.  Smith,"  and  so  attract  disagreeable  notice.  Accost  your 
friend  quietly;  and  do  not  roar  out,  "  Ah  !  Mr.  Smith !  how  do 
you  do,  Mr.  Smith?"  it  is  very  offensive,  and  shows  a  great 
want  of  proper  delicacy. 

Do  not  strain  after  great  people,  —  for,  although  they  like  the 
homage,  inasmuch  as  it  flatters  their  vanity,  yet  they  despise  the 
dispenser  of  it.  Pay  them,  however,  all  proper  respect;  but 
do  not  forget  what  is  due  to  yourself. 

As  a  general  rule — it  is  the  place  of  a  superior  in  rank  to 
speak  first  to  the  inferior. 

When  presented  to  a  person  of  high  rank,  you  should  leave  a 
card  at  his  house  the  next  day. 

If  you  have  been  in  society  with  a  nobleman,  and  should 
chance  to  meet  him  again  elsewhere,  leave  it  to  him  to  speak 
first,  or  to  recognise  you.  If  you  claim  his  acquaintance,  you 
give  him  an  opportunity  of  behaving  superciliously  to  you, 
which  would  be  as  well  avoided. 

An  unfortunate  Clerk  of  the  Treasury,  who,  because  he  was 
in  the  receipt  of  a  good  salary,  besides  being  a  "  triton  among 
the  minnows"  of  Clapham  Common,  fancied  himself  a  great 
man,  dined  at  the  B — f  S — k  Club,  where  he  sat  next  to  a  noble 
Duke,  who,  desirous  of  putting  him  at  ease  with  himself,  con- 
versed freely  with  him,  yet  probably  forgot  even  the  existence 
of  such  a  person  half  an  hour  afterward.     Meeting  his  Grace  in 


OP  GENERAL  SOCIETY.  47 

the  street  some  days  after,  and  encouraged  by  his  previous  con- 
descension, the  hero  of  the  quill,  bent  on  claiming  his  acquaint- 
ance, accosted  him  in  a  familiar  "  hail-fellow-well-metish"  man- 
ner,—  "Ah,  my  Lord,  how  d'ye  do?"  The  Duke  looked 
surprised.  "  May  I  know,  Sir,  to  whom  I  have  the  honor  of 
speaking?"  said  his  Grace,  drawing  up.  "Oh!  why — don't 
you  know  ?  We  dined  together  at  the  B — f  S — k  Club,  the 
other  evening! — I'm  Mr.  Timms  of  the  Treasury!!" 
"  Then,"  said  the  Duke,  turning  on  his  heel,  "  Mr.  Timms 
of  the  Treasury,  I  wish  you  a  good  morning." 

Remember  that  all  your  guests  are  equal  for  the  time  being, 
and  have  a  similar  claim  to  your  courtesies ;  nay,  if  there  be  a 
difference  shown,  those  of  the  lesser  rank  require  a  little  more 
attention  than  the  rest,  that  they  may  not  be  made  to  feel  their 
inferiority. 

There  is  no  more  common  or  absurd  mistake  than  supposing 
that,  because  people  are  of  high  rank,  they  can  not  be  vulgar; — 
or  that,  if  people  be  in  an  obscure  station,  they  can  not  be  well 
bred.  We  have  seen  as  many  instances  of  vulgarity  in  a  peer 
as  could  be  found  in  a  grazier ;  and  have  noticed  as  many  ex- 
amples of  a  perfect  freedom  from  the  least  taint  of  it  in  persons 
in  humble  life,  as  could  be  desired  in  a  dutchess. 

Nothing  more  clearly  indicates  the  true  gentleman  than  a 
desire  evinced  to  oblige  or  accommodate,  whenever  it  is  possible 
or  reasonable;  it  forms  the  broad  distinction  between  the  well- 
bred  man  of  the  world,  and  the  coarse  and  brutal  crowd  —  the 
irreclaimably  vulgar, — vulgar,  not  from  their  inferiority  of  station, 
but  because  they  are  coarse  and  brutal.  Nevertheless,  we  often 
find  persons  so  selfish  and  supercilious,  and  of  so  equivocal  an 
importance,  that  they  fancy  any  compliance  with  the  wishes  of 
the  many,  would  tend  to  lessen  their  dignity  in  the  eyes  of  their 
companions,  and  who  foolishly  imagine  that  a  good  coat  places 
them  above  the  necessity  of  conciliating  the  feelings  of  the  mul- 
titude by  the  performance  of  an  act  of  courtesy.  It  is  evident 
there  can  not  be  a  greater  mistake,  since  even  the  lower  classes 


48  ETIQUETTE,    AND    THE    USAGES   OF    SOCIETY. 

(whatever  their  own  practices  may  be)  keenly  appreciate,  and 
gratefully  acknowledge,  the  slightest  consideration  shown  to  them 
by  their  superiors.  That  persons  should  be  found  weak  enough 
to  believe  themselves  above  control,  is  lamentable,  as  such  sil- 
liness can  only  expose  them  to  the  ridicule  of  their  equals,  and 
the  contempt  of  their  superiors. 

A  perfect  freedom  from  affectation,  and  an  observance  of  the 
feelings  of  others,  will  always  exempt  a  person  from  the  charge 
of  vulgarity. 

Be  careful  to  offer  a  favor  in  such  a  manner  as  not  to  offend 
the  delicacy  of  those  whom  you  wish  to  serve.  Favors  may  be 
so  conferred  as  to  become  insults.  If  kindness  and  a  desire  to 
oblige  induce  you  to  offer  an  "  attention,"  do  not  press  it  after 
it  has  once  been  refused,  and  so  affront  ill-tempered  or  testy 
people.  A  friend  who  had  been  dining  a  short  distance  from 
London,  when  about  to  return,  said  to  one  of  the  party,  "  Sir, 
my  carriage  is  at  the  door ;  if  agreeable,  I  shall  be  happy,  to 
take  you  to  town."  —  "I  am  much  obliged  to  you,"  replied  the 
ungracious  Mr.  Tubbs,  drawing  himself  up,  "but — I  have  a 
carriage  of  my  own" 

When  you  offer  a  place  in  your  carriage,  be  sure  to  give  the 
best,  or  you  will  subject  yourself  to  the  charge  of  ignorance  and 
ill-breeding.  A  spiritucllc  reproof  for  an  error  of  this  kind  was 
lately  given  at  Paris  by  the  celebrated  Mons.  de  M.  Having 
met  in  the  vestibule  of  the  Opera  two  parvenu  bankers  of  the 
tribe  of  Israel,  much  more  remarkable  for  their  wealth  than  their 
good  manners  ;  the  Jews,  observing  that  the  compte's  carnage 
had  not  arrived,  offered  him  a  place  in  theirs,  which  he  accept- 
ed. To  his  surprise,  "  Les  freres  feroces"  (as  they  are  named) 
entered  the  coach  first,  and  seated  themselves  in  the  back  seat, 
leaving  the  aged  bon-vlvant  to  sit  with  his  back  to  the  horses ; 
but  no  sooner  did  he  observe  this  piece  of  ill-breeding,  than  he 
pulled  the  check-string  and  insisted  on  leaving  the  carriage. — 
44  But  why  will  you  get  out  ?"  asked  the  parvenus,  in  astonish- 
ment.    "  Because,"  replied  Mons.  de  M.,  "  I  always  feel  ill 


OP  GENERAL  SOCIETY.  49 

ivhen  I  sit  with  my  back  to  the  horses — in  the  carriage  of 
mother. " 

*Do  not  cross  a  room  in  an  anxious  manner,  and  force  your 
way  up  to  a  lady  merely  to  receive  a  bow,  as  by  so  doing  yoo 
attract  the  eyes  of  the  company  toward  her.  If  you  are  desirous 
of  being  noticed  by  any  one  in  particular,  put  yourself  in  their 
way  as  if  by  accident,  and  do  not  let  them  see  that  you  have 
sought  them  out ;  unless,  indeed,  there  be  something  very  im- 
portant to  communicate. 

*Do  not  take  upon  yourself  to  do  the  honors  in  another 
man's  house,  or  constitute  yourself  master  of  the  ceremonies,  as 
you  will  thereby  offend  the  host  and  hostess. 

There  is  a  shallow  attempt  at  "  fallen  greatness,"  sometimes 
practised  by  persons  who  wish  it  to  be  supposed  they  are  below 
their  proper  sphere, — that  of  bestowing  high-sounding  titles 
upon  very  ordinary  objects ;  as  calling  a  hackney-coach  "  the 
carriage ;"  or  speaking  of  a  gig,  or  wretched  pony  chaise,  as 
**  our  carriage ;"  or  of  a  miserable  passage,  three  feet  wide,  as 
the  "  hall."  This  is  very  foolish,  and  does  not  impose  upon 
any  one. 

In  addressing  letters  to  persons  of  rank,  the  title  should  be 
written,  whether  of  Duke,  Marquis,  Earl,  Viscount,  or  Baron, 
instead  of  "  Lord"  So-and-so,  which  is  considered  disrespectful 
and  vulgar.  This  rule  should  be  particularly  attended  to  in 
writing  to  Ladies,  in  order  to  avoid  confounding  the  rank  they 
hold  with  the  very  inferior  one  of  the  wives  of  Baronets  or 
Knights.  Military  rank  always  takes  precedence  of  titles  on 
the  superscription  of  letters. 

As  the  term  "  Esquire"  has  long  degenerated  into  a  title  of 
mere  courtesy,  give  it  when  writing  to  any  person  above  the  rank, 
of  a  shopkeeper,  and  scrupulously  award  it  to  all  professional 
men ;  not  to  do  so,  would  appear  like  an  ungracious  attempt,  on 
your  part,  to  depreciate  them,  and  to  display  your  own,  impor- 
tance by  affecting  to  under-rate  their  pretensions  ;  besides,  as  the 
first  lesson  taught  to  "people  of  condition"  is  "to  be  courteous 

4 


50  ETIQUETTE,  AND  THE  USAGES  OF  SOCIETY. 

to  all  men,"  and  as  you  will  rarely  find  these  little  proprieties 
overlooked  by  them,  any  neglect  on  your  part  will  naturally 
suggest  the  inference,  that  the  offending  epistle  was  indited  by 
some  very  assuming  or  very  ignorant  person.  It  is  needless  in 
these  times  to  consider  the  distinctions  made  by  the  "  Law"  in 
ages  past ;  for  as  "  belted  knights"  exist  no  longer,  the  reality 
of  an  Esquire  has  long  merged  in  the  shadowy  title,  which, 
m  as  by  law  allowed,"  is  shared  by  the  lowest  pettifogger,  or  the 
coarsest  tradesman  admitted  into  the  ranks  of  the  "  Gentlemen 
pensioners."*  We  do  not  attempt  to  deny  that  "Esquire,"  in 
common  with  the  terms  "  Professor,"  or  "  Professional,"  is  oc- 
casionally abused,  since  a  "  Professorship"  rewards  alike  the 
saltatory  labors  of  a  dancing-master,  and  gilds  the  graceful 
avocations  of  an  "Arcadian"  hair-dresser. 

In  writing  to  subalterns  in  the  army,  be  careful  not  to  address 
your  letter  to  Ensign  or  Lieut.  So-and-so,  but  to  J.  P.  Esq.,  83d 
Reg*.,  &c,  as  the  case  may  be  ;  Captain  being  the  lowest  grade 
which  a  military  man  chooses  to  acknowledge. 

Do  not  offer  a  person  the  chair  from  which  you  have  just 
risen,  unless  there  be  no  other  in  the  room. 

Never  take  the  chair  usually  occupied  by  the  mistress  of  the 
house,  even  though  she  be  absent,  nor  use  the  snuff-box  of  an- 
other, unless  he  offer  it. 

Do  not  touch  any  of  the  articles  of  bijouterie  in  the  houses 
where  you  visit :  they  are  meant  only  for  the  use  of  the  lady 
of  the  house,  and  may  be  admired,  but  not  touched. 

Do  not  beat  the  "  devil's  tattoo,"  by  drumming  with  your 
fingers  on   a  table ;  it  can  not  fail  to  annoy  every  one  within 

*  Gentlemen  pensioners  are  Esquires  by  "  authority."  This  ancient  and 
pleasant  provision  for  decayed  gentlemen  was  much  distorted  during  the  last 
reign,  by  the  admission  of  improper  persons ;  so  conspicuous,  indeed,  did  its 
pqualidness  and  vulgarity  become,  so  to  attract  the  attention,  and  excite  the  ire, 
of  the  late  sovereign,  who  threatened  to  disband  such  an  equivocal  appendage  to 
his  state.  The  institution  has  now,  however,  become  regenerate,  by  restricting 
the  quality  of  its  members ;  and  at  present  shines  forth  in  more  than  its  pristine 
splendor,  as  the  "  Honorable  Band  of  Gentlemen-at-Arms" — so  be  it. 


OP    GENERAL    SOCIETY.  51 

bearing,  and  is  the  index  of  a  vacant  mind.  Neither  read  the 
newspaper  in  an  audible  whisper,  as  it  disturbs  the  attention  of 
those  near  you.  Both  these  bad  habits  are  particularly  offen- 
sive where  most  common  ;  that  is,  in  a  country  news-room. 
Remember,  that  a  carelessness  as  to  what  may  incommode 
others  is  the  sure  sign  of  a  coarse  and  ordinary  mind;  indeed, 
the  essential  part  of  good  breeding  is  more  in  the  avoidance  of 
whatever  may  be  disagreeable  to  others,  than  even  an  accurate 
observance  of  the  customs  of  good  society. 

Never  allow  any  person  above  the  rank  of  a  shopman  to 
leave  the  room  without  your  ringing  the  bell  for  the  street  door 
to  be  opened.  Thousands  have  been  irremediably  offended  by 
having  been  suffered  to  quit  a  room  unattended,  and  to  "  let 
themselves  out."  This  deserves  particular  notice,  as  it  is  a  very 
common  omission  with  persons,  who,  having  amassed  a  little 
wealth  and  set  up  for  " somebodies"  would  be  exceedingly  an- 
noyed to  have  it  whispered  that  they  could  be  guilty  of  such 
gross  ill  breeding. 

People  who  have  risen  in  the  world  are  too  apt  to  suppose 
they  render  themselves  of  consequence  in  proportion  to  the 
pride  they  display,  and  their  want  of  attention  toward  those 
with  whom  they  come  in  contact.  This  is  a  terrible  mistake, 
as  every  ill-bred  act  recoils  with  triple  violence  against  its  per- 
petrators, by  leading  the  offended  parties  to  analyze  them,  and 
to  question  their  right  of  assuming  a  superiority  to  which  (in 
the  absence  of  positive  rank)  they  are  but  rarely  entitled. 

People  who  may  be  what,  in  French  phraseology,  are  termed 
parvenus,  or  nouveaux  riches,  and  who  desire  to  attain  a  good 
position  in  society,  must  be  careful  to  avoid  making  any  ad- 
vances to  people  of  rank,  and  should  wait  until  these  last  seek 
their  acquaintance.  A  contrary  line  of  conduct  will  only  draw 
on  them  the  imputation  of  forwardness  and  vulgarity.  For  as 
it  is  the  privilege  of  the  person  of  the  highest  rank  to  make  the 
first  advances  toward  acquaintanceship,  there  is  no  excuse  for 
the  inferior  to  commit  himself. 

Do  not  abuse  the  advantage  of  a  "  two-penny  post,"  by 


52  ETIQUETTE,    AND    THE    USAGES    OF    SOCIETY. 

making  people  pay  the  postage  of  letters  on  your  own  busi- 
ness merely,  and  transmitted  through  such  a  channel  entirely 
for  your  convenience,  by  saving  the  trouble  of  sending  a  servant. 
The  postage  upon  one  solitary  note  is  small,  it  is  true ;  but 
may  amount  to  a  large  sum  in  the  aggregate.  Depend  upon  it, 
the  most  "  trffif  people  will  not  be  very  much  offended  at  the 
postage  being  paid,  although  some  affect  openly  to  despise  an 
expense  at  which  they  grumble  in  secret. 

There  is  no  better  test  of  a  man's  claim  to  be  considered 
"  a  gentleman"  than  a  scrutiny  of  his  conduct  in  money  trans- 
actions. A  man  may  possess  rank  and  fashion,  and,  by  an  as- 
sumed frankness  of  character,  deceive  the  multitude;  but  the 
moment  his  purse  is  invaded,  if  he  be  not  of  the  true  caste,  he 
will  display  the  most  contemptible  meanness,  he  will  take  ad- 
vantage of  the  liberal  —  evade,  by  every  miserable  subterfuge, 
the  claims  of  those  he  dares  not  oppress,  and  unblushingly  defy 
those  unfortunate  persons  whose  poverty  is  likely  to  prevent  the 
due  assertion  of  their  rights.  Such  a  man  may  possess  station 
in  society — he  may  be  an  "elegant" — he  maybe  a.  prince! 
but,  if  he  be  not  honest — he  is  not  a  gentleman. 

With  intimate  friends,  you  may  dispense  with  ceremony  as 
much  as  may  be  deemed  desirable  to  all  parties;  but  with 
strangers,  or  persons  with  whom  you  are  only  imperfectly  ac- 
quainted, every  deviation  from  established  custom  is  a  slight, 
as  it  tends  to  show  how  little  their  society  is  appreciated ;  and 
will  (if  they  possess  a  grain  of  spirit)  be  resented  accordingly. 

Although  these  remarks  will  not  be  sufficient  in  themselves 
to  make  you  a  gentleman,  yet  they  will  enable  you  to  avoid  any 
glaring  impropriety,  and  do  much  to  render  you  easy  and  con- 
fident in  society. 

Gentility  is  neither  in  birth,  manner,  nor  fashion — but  in  the 
mind.  A  high  sense  of  honor — a  determination  never  to  take 
a  mean  advantage  of  another — an  adherence  to  truth,  delicacy, 
and  politeness,  toward  those  with  whom  you  may  have  dealings 
— are  the  essential  and  distinguishing  characteristics  of  a  gen- 
tleman. 


THE   RHENISH   OR    SPANISH  WALTZ, 

AND    THE 

THE  GERMAN  WALTZ  A  DEUX  TEMPS, 

The  pretending,  or  attempting  in  public  what  we  can  not  perform, 
lias  no  more  unfortunate  feature  about  it,  quam  quod  ridicules  homi- 
nes facit. 

One  can  scarcely  conceive  of  the  agonies  which  I  have  suffered 
in  observing  my  countrymen  making  themselves  ridiculous  by  their 
attempts  and  failures  in  the  art  of  Waltzing.  But  it  is  quite  im- 
possible to  imagine  the  martyrdom  which  I  have  endured  in  observing 
my  countrywomen  making  themselves  ridiculous  in  the  same  way. 
For  their  sake,  then,  I  subject  myself  to  the  reproach — 
"  Turpe  est  difficiles  habere  nugas, 
Et  stultus  labor  est  ineptiarum ;" 

and  am  contented  to  discuss  the  true  principles  of  waltzing,  since,  on 
the  true  principle,  the  more  practice,  the  more  perfect ;  but  on  false 
principles,  the  more  practice,  the  less  perfect. 

Let  us  begin  by  examining  the  English  system.  The  waltz  step 
being  completed  in  six  beats  of  the  music,  should  be  counted  1,  2,  3, 
4,  5,  6,  not  1,  2,  3,  1,  2,  3.  The  gentleman  is  told  to  begin  by  a 
twirl  on  the  left  foot  to  the  1,2,  3,  of  the  music,  and  to  take  three 
steps  to  the  4,  5,  6.  The  lady  is  told  to  take  three  steps  to  the  1,  2, 
3,  of  the  music,  and  to  twirl  on  the  left  foo't  to  the  4,  5,  6.  Between 
the  two,  this  makes  a  twirl  ad  infinitum.  At  the  1,  2,  3,  the  lady 
runs  round  the  gentleman  while  he  twirls ;  and  at  the  4,  5,  6,  the 
gentleman  runs  round  the  lady  while  she  twirls.  But  nothing  is  more 
to  be  desired  in  waltzing  than  getting  over  the  ground  ;  and  nothing 
more  to  be  avoided  in  it  than  this  tee-totuming  on  the  same  ground. 
There  should  be  no  twirl  in  the  case.  But  in  the  English,  that  is 
the  Rhenish  or  Spanish  waltz,  the  whole  affair  should  consist,  when 
perfect,  of  three  steps  forward,  in  a  circular  direction,  and,  by  turn- 
ing, of  three  steps  backward,  in  the  same  circular  direction.  The 
best  way  to  make  this  clear,  the  best  way  to  ensure  the  getting  off  the 
same  ground,  and  the  best  and  easiest  way  to  begin  the  art,  is  to 


64 


ETIQUETTE,  AND  THE  USAGES  OF  SOCIETY. 


waltz  in  a  square  instead  6f  a  circular  direction.  Place  two  chairs  in 
tb  >  middle  of  the  room,  and  practice  the  step  according  to  the  follow- 
ing plan,  clearing  a  side  of  the  chair  at  each  3  and  6  of  the  music, 
that  is,  in  half  a  complete  waltz  step ;  so  that  the  square  of  each 
chair  is  accomplished  in  two  complete  waltz  steps. 

gentleman's  step  in  the  figure  of  eight,  in  the 
rhenish  waltz. 

Instead  of  1,  2,  3,  4,  5,  6,  to  the  time  of  the  music,  count  "back 
three  steps  ;"  "front  three  steps."  On  the  words  "  back  three  steps," 
take  three  steps  backward,  beginning  with  the  left  foot,  and  turn  to 
the  right  at  the  3  of  the  music.  On  the  words  "  front  three  steps  " 
take  three  steps  to  the  front,  beginning  with  the  right  foot,  and  turn 
to  the  right  at  the  6  of  the  music.  The  step  in  the  reverse  waltz  is 
the  same,  except  that  the  turns  are  to  the  left,  instead  of  to  the  right. 
The  lady's  step  is  the  same  as  the  gentleman's,  except  that  she  be- 
gins by  advancing  with  the  right  foot,  and  therefore  counts  "  front 
three  steps,"  "  back  three  steps,"  and  the  plan  for  her  step  is  the 
same  as  the  plan  for  the  gentleman's,  when  the  words  back  and  front 
are  exchanged  one  for  the  other.  The  figure  is  delineated  on  squares 
to  show  the  principle  ;  and  it  should  be  so  practised  at  first.  But 
when  perfect,  a  circle  should  be  described  round  each  chair,  changing 
from  one  mode  of  waltzing  to  the  other,  after  passing  between  the 
chairs. 

The  numbers  designate  the  time  of  the  music,  and  the  course  taken 
in  the  figure. 


GENTLEMAN  S  STEP.* 

Count  "  back  three  steps,"  "  front 

three  steps." 
steps  3.      2  three.  1  back.  6  steps, 
front  4. 
three  5. 


Common  waltzing,  \   5  three. 

circling  to  the  left  < 

and  taming  to  the  \    .  ~ 

right.  4  front. 


steps  6.      1  back.  2  three.  3  steps, 
three  5. 
front  4. 


Reverse  waltzing,  \    4  front. 
circling  to  the  right  \ 
and  turning  to  the  \   - 
left. 


5  three. 


steps  3.     2  three.  1  back.  6  steps. 


lady's  step. 

Count  "  front  three  steps  "  "  back 

three  steps." 
steps  3.     2  three.  1  front.    6  steps. 


back  4. 


5  three. 


Common  waltzing, 

\  circling  to  the  left  5 

.  ,    I  and  turning  to  the  >  .  ,       * 

three  5.  i  right.  4  back, 

steps  6.      1  front.    2  three.  .3  steps. 

three  5.  <  Reverse  waltzing,  >  4  back. 

?  circling  to  the  right  5 

,      ,    .     5  and  turning  to  the  s  _    . 

back  4.  I  left.  j  o  three, 

steps  3.     2  three.  1  front.  6  steps. 


WALTZING,  50 

It  will  be  perceived  that  after  the  3,  the  common  waltz  is  taken  by 
turning  to  the  right ;  the  reverse  waltz  by  turning  to  the  left.  Or  the 
change  may  be  made  after  the  6,  by  beginning  the  step  at  one  of  the 
sides  of  the  squares,  instead  of  at  the  top  or  bottom,  as  marked  in  the 
plan.  In  fact,  in  all  waltzing,  a  turn  is  made  at  each  3  and  6.  To  turn 
to  the  right  inclines  you  to  circle  to  the  left,  which  is  common  waltzing  ; 
to  turn  to  the  left  inclines  you  to  circle  to  the  right,  which  is  reverse 
waltzing.  To  turn  to  the  right  or  left  is  one  as  easy  as  the  other. 
The  common  waltz,  or  the  reverse  waltz,  is  one  as  easy  as  the  other. 
And  to  continue  one  mode  of  waltzing,  or  to  change  to  the  other,  is 
one  as  easy  as  the  other. 

This  is  the  best  mode  for  beginners  to  learn  the  step  of  the  Rhen- 
ish waltz.  It  is  the  best  possible  practice  for  waltzing,  because  it  is 
the  best  possible  practice  for  getting  over  the  ground ;  since,  if  the 
pupil  twirls  and  dwells  on  the  same  ground,  he  will  not  clear  the  side 
of  the  chair.  This  way  of  doing  the  figure  of  8  is  very  easy,  and 
very  beautiful.  The  old  mode  of  doing  it,  turning  to  the  right,  even 
while  circling  to  the  right,  tends  to  encourage  spinning  on  the  same 
ground.  It  must  always  be  an  exertion,  and  is,  in  general,  a, most 
ungraceful,  not  to  say  disgraceful  exhibition. 


3. 

4. 
5.    j 

6. 

5. 
4. 
3, 

4. 
5. 
6. 


2. 


SERPENTINE  WALTZING. 

1.         6.  6.         1. 


1.  Common 
Waltzing. 


1. 


1. 


1. 


2. 


2. 


3. 


56  ETIQUETTE,    AND    THE    USAGES    OF    SOCIETY. 

The  change  from  one  mode  of  waltzing  to  the  other,  alternately  om 
«tep  of  common  waltzing,  and  one  step  of  reverse  waltzing,  may  b<? 
practised  according  to  the  preceding  plan,  in  the  serpentine  form 
round  any  number  of  chairs.  Serpentine  lines  as  well  as  the  figur 
of  8  are  delineated  in  squares,  in  order  to  make  the  principle  appa 
rent ;  and  they  should  be  so  practised  at  first.  But  when  perfect 
they  should  be  performed  on  circular  lines,  making  the  change  fron 
one  mode  of  waltzing  to  the  other  after  passing  between  the  chairs. 

It  is  easy  to  go  straight  forward  or  backward,  for  any  distance, 
without  circling  or  turning.  Also  good  waltzers  should  be  able  to 
keep  straight  lines  while  waltzing,  either  in  the  common  or  in  the 
reverse  way ;  that  is,  turning  continuously  either  to  the  right  or  to 
the  left :  or  changing  from  one  to  the  other.  The  step  should  be  a 
sort  of  glide  ;  something  between  a  slide  and  a  step.  The  fore  part 
of  the  foot  should  never  quite  leave  the  ground ;  the  heel  should 
never  be  raised  more  than  sufficient  to  pass  a  sheet  of  paper  under  it. 

In  the  gentleman's  step,  in  the  common  waltz,  particularly  in 
keeping  straight  lines,  the  left  foot  at  3  is  turned  very  much  in,  that 
is,  to  the  right,  to  enable  you  to  turn  to  the  right ;  and  the  right  foot 
at  6  is  turned  very  much  out,  that  is,  also  to  the  right,  for  the  same 
purpose.  In  the  reverse  waltz,  the  left  foot  at  3  is  turned  very  much 
out,  that  is,  to  the  left,  to  enable  you  to  turn  to  the  left ;  and  the  right 
foot  at  6  is  turned  very  much  in,  that  is,  also  to  the  left,  for  the  same 
purpose.  The  same  principle  reigns  in  the  lady's  step,  but  the  right 
foot  marks  the  3,  and  the  left  foot  the  6.  The  feet  at  these  numbers 
are  both  turned  to  the  right  in  the  common  waltz  to  enable  you  to 
turn  to  the  right,  and  circle  to  the  left ;  and  they  are  both  turned  to 
the  left  in  the  reverse  waltz  to  enable  you  to  turn  to  the  left  and  circle 
to  the  right.  If  these  things  are  found  difficult  to  apprehend  in  the 
abstract,  practice  soon  gives  a  muscular  facility  in  them.  In  fact, 
the  waltz  step  must  be  intrusted  to  the  most  mysterious  and  least 
forgetful  of  our  memories — the  memory  of  the  muscles  ;  which  "  at 
the  fingers'  ends,"  will  how  often  thrid  its  way  through  the  notes 
of  an  air,  the  succession  of  which  our  mind  has  forgotten.  But 
teachers  should  know  the  theory  of  what  they  have  to  teach,  though, 
with  their  pupils  they  have,  in  general,  to  trust  to  practice  only ;  that 
is,  to  muscular,  not  mental  apprehension,  and  to  muscular,  not  mental 
memory.  And  they  must  be  satisfied  if  they  can  dun  into  the  heels 
what  the  head  is  unwilling  or  unable  to  apprehend. 


WALTZING.  57 

It  is  a  common  error  with  the  gentleman  to  have  his  left  shoulder 
farther  from  his  partner's  right  shoulder  than  his  right  shoulder  is 
from  her  left.  He  should  be  exactly  opposite  his  partner ;  and  the 
shoulders  of  both  should  describe  parallel  lines.  It  is  the  common 
error  with  the  lady  to  hang  her  whole  weight  on  the  gentleman's  arm. 
Ladies  should  practise  the  step  by  themselves,  and  with  one  another. 
On  the  principle  which  has  been  laid  down,  it  is  perfectly  easy  for 
two  persons  to  waltz,  and  even  to  do  the  figure  of  8,  without  holding 
one  another  at  all.  No  one  should  pretend  to  waltz  who  can  not  do 
this.  You  should  be  able  to  do  the  step  perfectly  by  yourself,  before 
you  begin  with  another  person. 

For  all  waltzing,  one  of  the  best  practices  is,  both  alone  and  with 
a  partner,  to  waltz  the  largest  possible  square  which  can  be  executed 
in  two  complete  waltz  steps.  Place  four  chairs  together,  touching 
one  another,  and  waltz  the  square  of  them  in  two  complete  waltz 
steps ;  that  is,  clearing  one  side  of  the  square  at  each  3  and  6  of  the 
music.  This  should  be  practised  in  the  common  waltz,  and  in  the 
reverse  waltz,  and  changing  from  one  mode  of  waltzing  to  the  other, 
so  as  to  retrograde  over  the  same  ground,  without  stopping,  or  making 
any  cessation  in  the  step.  When  this  is  accomplished  with  ease, 
draw  the  chairs  apart  from  each  other  by  degrees,  so  as  to  enlarge 
the  square  waltzed  on. 

This  practice  proves  and  improves  the  quantity  of  space  covered 
in  the  step,  the  directness  of  the  step,  and  the  equality  of  the  step ; 
that  is,  it  necessitates  one  half  of  the  step,  measured  by  time,  beiri£ 
also  equal  in  the  space  covered  to  the  other  half  step.  Without  this 
test,  it  is  a  common  error  in  the  Rhenish  waltz,  to  cover  more  space 
with  the  front  half  step,  than  with  the  back  half  step,  or  vice  versa ; 
and  in  the  German  waltz  a  deux  temps,  to  cover  more  space  with  the 
right  half  step,  than  with  the  left  half  step,  or  vice  versa. 

Of  course,  directly  in  proportion  to  the  velocity,  and  to  the  slipper- 
iness  of  the  floor,  is  the  facility  of  keeping  straight  lines,  and  the 
difficulty  of  keeping  circles  or  squares. 

So  much  for  the  English,  or  French,  or  Spanish  waltz,  or  as  the 
Germans  call  it,  the  Rhenish  waltz,  "  Der  Rheiner  Waltzer."  The 
German  waltz,  a,  deux  temps,  is  exactly  contrary  in  its  principle  to  the 
Rhenish  waltz.  The  motion,  instead  of  being  always  backward  or 
forward,  is  always  directly  sideways.  The  beats  of  the  feet,  instead 
of  being  in  three  time,  are  in  two  time.     The  step,  or  these  beats  of 


58 


ETIQUETTE,   AND  THE  USAGES  OF  SOCIETY. 


of  the  feet,  may  be  said  to  begin  with  the  contrary  foot  to  that  on 
which  they  begin  in  the  Rhenish  waltz,  and  the  turn  is  at  a  different 
time  of  the  music. 

I  shall  give  two  modes  of  doing  the  German  step.     There  are  many. 

No.  1. — Gentleman's  step  in  the  figure  of  8,  a  deux  temps. 

Count  "  turn,  left,  slide,"  "  turn,  right,  slide."  On  the  word  "  turn," 
turn  to  the  right  on  the  right  foot,  making  a  beat  with  it ;  that  is,  while 
standing  on  the  right  foot,  make  a  slight  rise,  and  again  fall  on  it.  At 
the  same  time,  move  the  left  foot  to  the  left,  and  bring  it  to  the  ground. 
On  the  word  "  left,"  pass  the  weight  over  the  left  foot  without  any 
beat.  On  the  word  "  slide,"  make  a  slide  to  the  left,  with  both  feet 
as  much  as  possible  at  once.  On  the  word  "  turn,"  turn  to  the  right 
on  the  left  foot,  making  a  rise  and  a  beat  with  it,  at  the  same  time 
moving  the  right  foot  to  the  right,  and  bringing  it  to  the  ground.  On 
the  word  "right,"  pass. the  weight  over  the  right  foot,  without  any 
beat.  On  the  word  "  slide,"  make  a  slide  to  the  right  with  both  feet 
as  much  as  possible  at  once. 

The  step  in  the  reverse  waltz  is  the  same,  except  that  the  turns 
are  to  the  left  instead  of  to  the  right. 

The  lady's  step  is  the  same  as  the  gentleman's,  except  that  she 
begins  with  the  contrary  foot,  and  therefore  counts  "turn,  right, 
slide,"  "  turn,  left,  slide."  And  the  plan  is  the  same  for  her  step  as 
for  the  gentleman's,  when  the  words  right  and  left  are  exchanged  one 
for  the  other.  The  numbers  designate  the  time  of  the  music,  and 
the  course  taken  in  the  figure. 

No.  1. — gentleman's  step. 


Count  "turn,  left,   slide," 
right,  slide." 
3  slide.   2  left. 


turn 


turn  4. 
right  5. 
slide  6. 
turn  1. 
slide  6. 
right  5. 
turn  4. 


Common  waltzing, 
circling  to  the  left 
and  turning  to  the 
right. 


2  left.     3  slide 


Reverse  waltzing, 
circling  to  the  right 
and  turning  to  the 
left. 

3  slide.   2  left. 


No.  1. — lady's  step. 
Count  "  turn,  right,  slide,"  "  turn, 
left,  slide." 
3  slide.    2  right.    1  turn. 


)  Common  waltzing,  ?  6  slide. 

\  circling  to  the  left  > 

I  and  turning  to  the  )  -     ,    « 

t  right.  i  O     left. 


turn  4. 

left    5. 

slide  6. 

turn  1.  2  right.   3  slide 

slide  6. 

left    5.  j 

turn  4.    3  slide.    2  right.    1  turn. 


4   turn. 

Reverse  waltzing,  \   5     left. 

circling  to  the  right  s 

and  turning  to  the  \    _    ,. , 

left.  \  6  slide. 


WALTZING. 


59 


This  step  is  really  a.  deux  temps  as  well  as  a  deux  pas.  Since 
in  the  first  half  of  the  step  there  is  no  beat  at  the  2  of  the  music,  but 
only  at  the  1,  and  the  3.  And  in  the  second  half  there  is  no  beat 
at  the  5,  but  only  at  the  4,  and  the  6. 

There  is  another  common  way  of  waltzing  a  deux  temps,  as 
follows : 

No.  2. — gentleman's  step  in  the  figure  of  8,  A  deux  temps. 


Count  "  left,  slide,  turn,"  '•  right,  side, turn."  On  the  word  "left," 
take  a  step  to  the  left  with  the  left  foot.  On  the  word  "  slide,"  a  slide 
to  the  left  with  both  feet  as  much  as  possible  at  once.  On  the  word 
"  turn,"  turn  to  the  right  on  the  left  foot  without  moving  it.  On  the 
word  "  right,"  take  a  step  to  the  right  with  the  right  foot.  On  the 
word  "  slide,"  a  slide  to  the  right  with  both  feet,  as  much  as  possible 
at  once.  On  the  word  "  turn,"  turn  to  the  right  on  the  right  foot  with- 
out moving  it. 

The  step  in  the  reverse  waltz  is  the  same,  except  that  the  turns 
are  to  the  left  instead  of  to  the  right. 

The  lady's  step  is  the  same  as  the  gentleman's,  except  that  she 
begins  with  the  right  foot,  and  therefore  counts  "  right,  slide,  turn," 
"  left,  slide,  turn,"  and  the  plan  is  the  same  for  her  step  as  for  the 
gentleman's,  when  the  words  right  and  left  are  exchanged  one  for 
the  other. 

The  numbers  designate  the  time  of  the  music,  and  the  course  taken 
in  the  figure. 


d         d 
No.  2. — gentleman's  step. 


Count  ' 

turn  3. 
right  4. 
slide  5. 
turn  6. 
slide  5. 
right  4. 
turn  3 . 


left,  slide,  turn," 
slide,  turn." 
2  slide.   1  left. 


Common  waltzing, 
circling  to  the  left 
and  turning  to  the  ; 
right. 

1  left.    2  slide. 


Reverse  waltzing, 
circling  to  the  right 
and  t  urning  to  the 
left. 


2  slide.   1  left. 


"  right, 

6  turn. 
5  slide. 
4  right. 

3  turn. 

4  right. 

5  slide. 

6  turn. 


No.  2. — lady's  step. 
Count  "  right,  slide,  turn,"  "  left, 
slide,  turn." 
2  slide.    1  QJfht    6  turn. 
5  slide. 
4    left. 
3   turn. 

4  left. 

5  slide. 


Reverse  waltzing, 
circling  to  the  right 
and  turning  to  the 
left. 


turn  3.    2  slide.    1  right.    6  turn. 


60  ETIQUETTE,   AND  THE  USAGES  OF  SOCIETY. 

This  step,  like  No.  1.,  is  really  a,  deux  temps,  as  well  as  a  deux  pas, 
since  the  first  half  of  it  is  completed  at  the  2  of  the  music,  and  the 
second  half  at  the  5  ;  while  at  the  3  and  6  of  the  music,  no  step  or 
beat  of  the  foot  is  made,  but  merely  a  turn. 

Both  these  steps  are  used  for  the  galop.  But  in  the  galop  the 
halt  at  each  turn  is  of  the  same  duration  as  the  side  step ;  that  is, 
there  are  two  beats  of  the  music  for  the  side  step,  and  two  beats  of 
the  music  for  the  turn ;  and  if  no  turn  is  made,  but  straight  lines 
continued  without  turning,  as  there  is  no  halt,  double  the  number  of 
side  steps  are  made  in  the  same  time  as  would  be  when  turning.  In 
the  waltz,  the  halt  at  each  turn  is  only  of  half  the  duration  of  the 
side  step ;  that  is,  there  are  two  beats  of  the  music  for  the  side  step, 
but  only  one  beat  for  the  turn  :  for  this  reason,  in  the  waltz  you  can 
not  go  on  straight  lines  sidewise  without  turning,  as  you  can  in 
the  galop,  since  the  alternate  steps  which  should  be  equal  in  space, 
would  be  unequal  in  time. 

The  first  half  of  No.  2,  with  a  halted  turn  on  the  right  foot,  in- 
stead of  the  second  half,  is  taught  and  used  for  the  German  waltz  for 
the  gentleman.     The  lady  doing  the  complete  step. 

A  pretty  step  may  be  practised  a,  deux  pas,  but  not  a  deux  temps, 
according  to  the  following  plan. 

GENTLEMAN'S    STEP    IN  THE    FIGURE    OF    8,  A    DEUX    PAS,    BUT    NOT  A 

DEUX  TEMPS. 

Count  "  left  three  steps,"  "  right  three  steps."  On  the  words 
"  left  three  steps,"  take  three  steps  to  the  left,  beginning  with  the  left 
foot,  and  turn  to  the  right.  On  the  words  "  right  three  steps,"  take 
three  steps  to  the  right,  beginning  with  the  right  foot,  and  turn  to  the 
right. 

The  step  in  the  reverse  waltz  is  the  same,  except  that  the  turns 
are  to  the  left,  instead  of  to  the  right. 

The  lady's  step  is  the  same  as  the  gentleman's,  except  that  she 
begins  with  the  right  foot,  and  therefore  counts  "  right  three  steps," 
"•left  three  steps ;"  and  the  plan  for  her  step  is  the  same  as  for  the 
gentleman's,  when  the  words  right  and  left  are  exchanged  one  for  the 
other. 

The  numbers  designate  the  time  of  the  music,  and  the  course  taken 
in  the  figure. 


WALTZING. 


61 


GENTLEMAN  S  STEP. 

Count  "  left  three  steps,"  "  right, 

three  steps." 
steps  3.     2  three.  1  left.    6  steps, 
right  4.  J  common  waltzing,  <  5  three. 

<  circling  to  the  left  j 
,  _.       and  turning  to  the  \    .    .    , 

three  o.  }  right.  4  right, 

steps  6.     1  left.     2  three.  3  steps. 

three  5.  \  Reverse  waltzing,  \  4  right, 
circling  to  the  right  ? 
.  and  turning  to  the  <    ..    , 

right 4.  \  left.  I  o  three, 

steps  3.     2  three.  1  left.      6  steps. 


lady's  step. 

Count  "  right  three  steps,"  "  left 

three  steps." 
steps  3.    2  three.   1  right.    6  steps, 
left    4.  \  Common  waltzing,  t  5  three. 

\  circling  to  the  left  ) 
.  \  and  turning  to  the  >    .  ,    » 

three 5.     right.  |  4  left. 

steps  6.     1  right.    2  three.    3  steps. 

three  5.  i  Reverse  waltzing,  J   4  left. 
?  circling  to  the  right  jj 
'._      .     >  and  turning  to  the  \    _   . 

left    4.  |  left.  >  5  three. 

steps  3.    2  three.    1  right.    6  steps. 


In  the  gentleman's  step  at  the  1,  2,  3  of  the  music,  the  left  foot 
marks  the  1,  and  the  left  shoulder  leads  three  steps  to  the  left.  At 
the  4,  5,  6  of  the  music,  the  right  foot  marks  the  4,  and  the  right 
shoulder  leads  three  steps  to  the  right.  But  at  the  2  and  the  5  the 
heels  come  together  ;  so  that  as  the  foot  which  comes  to  the  ground 
at  the  2  and  5,  only  takes  the  same  step  which  the  preceding  foot 
has  just  taken,  though  three  beats  are  made,  the  space  of  only  two 
steps  is  passed  over,  where  three  actual  steps  are  made  in  the 
Rhenish  waltz.  This  step,  therefore,  may  be  considered  a  deux  pas, 
though  not  a  deux  temps. 

As  in  the  Rhenish  waltz,  these  steps  should  be  first  learned  and 
practised  on  squares,  along  the  sides  of  two  chairs,  in  the  form  of  the 
figure  of  8.  Serpentine  lines  may  be  practised  for  alternating  the 
common  and  reverse  waltz,  as  explained  for  the  Rhenish  waltz ;  also 
straight  lines,  making  continuous  turns  to  the  right,  or  continuous 
turns  to  the  left,  or  changing  from  one  to  the  other. 

Both  the  Rhenish  and  German  waltzes  are  easily  learned,  so  that 
either  may  be  taken,  at  the  option  of  your  partner ;  and  if  perfectly 
performed,  each  is  a  most  exquisitely  graceful  dance.  But  let  no  one 
couple  attempt  both  steps  at  once. 

For  any  one  who  can  only  dance  the  German  step,  which  is  in 
two  time,  to  attempt  it  with  one  who  can  only  dance  the  Rhenish 
step,  which  is  in  three  time,  is  somewhat  to  surpass  the  quidlibet  au- 
dendi.  Mingle,  mingle,  spirits  that  may,  and  tigers  and  lambs,  and 
all  the  rest  of  Horace's  unmingleables  may  be  brought  together.  But 


62  ETIQUETTE,  AND  THE  USAGES  OF  SOCIETY. 

the  two  steps  must  remain  incapable  of  amalgamation  till  two  is  made 
equal  to  three. 

Indeed,  a  person  must  be  able  to  conform  to  any  step,  or  to  force 
his  partner  to  conform  to  his  own  step,  or  he  must  know  who  does 
which  step,  before  he  ventures  to  ask  them  to  dance. 

Even  the  two  modes  which  I  have  given  of  performing  the  Ger- 
man waltz  a  deux  temps,  are  wholly  incapable  of  working  together. 
For  though  these  two  steps  are  apparently  very  similar,  they  differ 
essentially.  For  instance,  No.  1  makes  a  beat  with  the  feet,  and 
passes  them  sidewise  at  the  3  and  6  of  the  music.  No.  2  makes  no 
beat  of  the  feet,  but  halts  and  turns  at  the  3  and  6.  No.  2  makes  a 
beat  with  the  feet,  and  passes  them  sidewise,  at  the  2  and  5  of  the 
music  ;  No.  1  makes  no  beat,  and  the  feet  are  stationary  at  the  2  and 
5.  No.  1  turns  at  the  1  and  4  of  the  music ;  No.  2  turns  at  the  3 
and  6  of  the  music.  In  No.  1  you  may  be  said  to  push  yourself  side- 
wise  with  the  rear  or  non-leading  foot,  at  the  1  and  4  of  the  music. 
In  No.  2,  to  draw  yourself  sidewise  with  the  advanced  or  leading 
foot,  at  the  2  and  5  of  the  music. 

Thus  if  any  one  couple  were  to  attempt  these  two  steps  together, 
the  feet  of  one  would  be  in  motion  and  beating  time,  while  those  of 
the  other  were  stationary  and  not  beating  time ;  and  one  would  be 
turning  while  the  other  would  be  going  sidewise. 

On  the  comparative  merits  of  the  Rhenish  and  German  waltzes,  I 
should  decide  thus.  The  German  waltz  is  much  the  best  for  per- 
sons of  ordinary  qualities,  since  it  is  infinitely  the  most  easy  to  ap- 
prehend mentally,  and  infinitely  the  most  easy  to  execute  corporeal- 
ly ;  and,  in  general,  that  is  the  best,  which  is  the  best  executed  ;  but 
for  persons  of  extraordinary  qualities,  the  Rhenish  waltz  is  incompar- 
ably superior.  This  is  certain,  that  if  the  three  steps  forward  and 
backward  are  really  executed,  half  as  much  ground  again  is  passed 
over  in  the  Rhenish  waltz,  as  is  passed  over  in  the  German  waltz, 
since  in  the  Rhenish  waltz  three  steps  are  taken  where  two  only  are 
taken  in  the  German  waltz.  But  in  consequence  of  the  difficulty  of 
this,  not  one  person  will  be  found  to  perform  the  Rhenish  waltz  in 
perfection,  where  thousands  will  perform  the  German  waltz  in  per- 
fection. Indeed,  I  have  never  yet  seen  any  two  persons  together  who 
did  the  real  three  steps  forward  and  backward  of  the  Rhenish  waltz 
in  the  perfection  of  which  it  is  capable.  And  as  the  quicker  the 
time,  the  more  difficulty  in  covering  space  ;  so  the  quicker  the  time, 


WALTZING.  63 

the  more  difficult  the  Rhenish  waltz  as  compared  with  the  German 
waltz,  since  in  the  Rhenish  waltz  one  third  more  space  is  covered  in 
the  same  time  than  is  covered  in  the  German  waltz.  The  German 
waltz  is,  indeed,  the  quickest  in  general,  because  the  weak,  the  heavy, 
and  the  slow  can  do  it  more  quickly  than  they  can  the  Rhenish  waltz. 
Also  those  who  are  so  weak,  heavy,  or  slow,  as  to  be  unable  to  keep 
up  to  the  time  of  modern  waltzing  in  any  step,  find  a  greater  facility 
in  keeping  behind  the  time  in  the  German  waltz  than  they  do  in  the 
Rhenish  waltz.  That  is,  this  very  common  out-of-time  shirking  is  less 
perceptible  in  the  German  waltz  than  it  is  in  the  Rhenish  waltz.  In 
fact,  a  very  great  proportion  of  those  who  waltz  a  deux  temps,  or  in 
two  time,  waltz  in  no  time,  or  in  false  time ;  that  is,  they  waltz  to 
their  own  time,  instead  of  to  the  time  of  the  music.  The  way  to  de- 
tect, and  to  correct  this  very  common  error,  is  to  observe  in  the  gen- 
tleman's step,  that  the  left  foot  always  leads  at  the  1,  and  the  right 
foot  at  the  4  of  the  music.  And  in  the  lady's  step,  that  the  right  foot 
always  leads  at  the  1,  and  the  left  foot  at  the  4  of  the  music.  This 
should  be  invariable.  Let  the  young  and  active  perforin  the  Rhenish 
waltz,  and  subside  into  the  German  waltz  when  their  powers  or  those 
of  their  partners  are  not  equal  to  the  Rhenish  waltz. 

But  let  all  waltzers  learn  both  waltzes. 

The  great  thing  is  practice,  both  alone  and  with  a  partner.  The 
beginner  is  too  apt  to  think  the  affair  finished  when  he  has  learned 
the  step.  But  practice  is  not  more  necessary  in  skating  than  it  is  in 
waltzing. 

By  long  and  patient  practice  by  himself,  the  pupil  will,  as  in  ska- 
ting, imperceptibly  attain  a  gradual,  but  great  improvement  in  power, 
rapidity,  length  and  directness  of  step,  smoothness,  and  endurance, 
both  muscular  and  vascular  (wind).  It  is,  indeed,  with  waltzing  as 
with  every  other  accomplishment,  mental  or  corporeal,  "  wha  does 
the  utmost  that  he  can,  shall  whiles  do  mair." 

There  are  three  modes  of  shirking  in  waltzing.  We  may  keep  the 
time,  and*  neglect  to  cover  space,  or  we  may  cover  space,  and  neglect 
to  keep  the  time  ;  or  (what  is  most  common,  particularly  a.  deux 
temps),  we  may  neglect  both  time  and  space,  and  complacently  pud- 
dle round  small  circles,  behind  time.  But  in  first-rate  waiting,  pace 
is  a  sine  qua.  non.  And  in  pace,  space  as  well  as  time  is  a  sine  qua 
non ;  that  is,  for  pace  the  step  must  not  only  be  rapid  in  point,  of 
time,  but  must  cover  space. 


64  ETIQUETTE,    AND    THE    USAGES    OF    SOCIETY. 

In  first-rate  waltzing,  as  the  sportsman  says,  we  must  "  go  the  paco 
and  keep  it."  But  "  it  is  the  pace  that  kills."  Practice  only,  on  the 
true  principle,  will  enable  us  even  to  go  the  pace  ;  and  practice  only 
will  enable  us  to  keep  it ;  that  is,  practice  only  will  give  us  the  pace 
of  activity,  which  enables  us  to  take  so  many  steps,  of  such  a  length, 
in  such  a  time,  and  which  depends  on  the  muscular  system.  And 
practice  only  will  give  us  the  pace  of  endurance,  which  enables  us 
to  continue  the  exertion,  and  depends  chiefly  on  the  vascular  system 
—  on  the  power  and  action  of  the  heart  and  lungs  (wind). 

First-rate  waltzing  is  as  great  an  exertion  as  racing ;  that  is,  it  is 
the  greatest  exertion  possible.  Many  ladies  fall  victims  to  it  from 
want  of  condition  ;  that  is,  from  not  being  prepared  for  it  by  other 
exercise,  or  from  not  being  gradually  inured  to  it  by  practising  the 
thing  itself.  But  "  graciles  non  sunt  sine  viribus  artus."  And,  with 
practice  (which  is  training),  how  often  is  the  lady  found  to  be  the 
superior,  both  in  speed  and  endurance. 

Supposing  gradual  training,  waltzing,  like  any  other  exercise,  is  a 
great  promoter  of  health  and  strength ;  but  to  persons  out  of  condi- 
tion, that  is,  out  of  work,  waltzing,  like  any  other  strong  exercise,  is 
destruction.  It  is  destruction  to  race  a  horse  which  is  out  of  work. 
From  the  abuse,  however,  we  must  not  argue  against  the  use  of  ex- 
ercise. 


THE    END. 


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P3 
1843 


